There are two--or more--sides to every story, and the subject of a grandparent's legal right to contact with her grandchildren is a matter of intense debate. Most problems arise when the parents divorce, remarry or pass away, disturbing the previous family dynamic. But there are also disputes when, for one reason or another, parents jointly decide that they don't want their children to have a relationship with their grandparents.
Troxel versus Granville
The issue of grandparents' rights mushroomed in June of 2000, when the U.S. Supreme Court struck down a decision in the State of Washington that allowed judges to grant visitation "to any interested party" if the judge felt that the visitation was in the best interests of the child, even if the child's parents objected. Though the Washington law wasn't specifically aimed at grandparents, the case has become a polarizing issue for grandparents' rights.
What Proponents Say
Those in favor of legislation that would establish a grandparent's right to maintain contact with grandchildren argue that suddenly removing the presence of a grandparent from a child's life can be cruel to the child. Especially in instances where the alienation has been caused by death or divorce, the child might need her grandparent through such a trying time more than ever.
What Opponents Say
Opponents say that forcing parents to allow grandparents visitation violates parents' civil rights to rear their children as they see fit. Opponents point out that sometimes parents cut grandparents out of their children's lives for just cause. Sometimes the relationship isn't beneficial to the child because of issues such as alcohol dependency or physical abuse, and parents have a right to withhold their child from situations they think could be harmful.
State Laws
After the Supreme Court's Decision in Troxel, state after state enacted laws to address the issue of grandparents' rights. Connecticut, New York, Maryland, Kentucky, Idaho and Hawaii are considered to be grandparent-friendly. The laws in Minnesota, Pennsylvania and Florida lean toward the parent. The laws in the state where the grandchildren, not the grandparents, live govern the situation.
What Not to Do
If you are or think you might become caught up in dispute involving your grandchildren, the actions you should avoid are--not coincidentally--the same things you would refrain from doing in order to maintain a healthy relationship with everyone concerned. Do not speak negatively about either parent to your grandchild or to anyone else if your grandchild is within earshot. And don't ever interfere with the parent's disciplinary or other decisions.
What to Do
Marsha Temlock, author of "Your Child's Divorce: What to Expect--What You Can Do," recommends documenting your previous relationship with your grandchildren through sworn affidavits from friends, sympathetic family members, teachers, doctors or clergy if you think you're going to end up in court. This can increase your chances of proving to a judge that you were once integral to that child's life. If your own child is going through a divorce, ask him to try to have language written into his eventual decree that preserves your right to see your grandchildren.
