Stranger anxiety is a normal phase of development for human babies. For most babies, it begins by around 8 months, reaches a peak by 15 months and then declines. Babies who will coo and smile at strangers at 4 months may scream when a new person holds them just a few months later; this is normal. Stranger anxiety is a worrisome sign only in older children.
Signs of Typical Stranger Anxiety
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, stranger anxiety in babies and toddlers is not only normal, it is a sign of healthy attachment to the child's caregivers. Their growing awareness of the world around them leads them to distinguish between their loved ones and strangers. At the same time, they don't yet understand object permanence--the knowledge that an object that is out of sight has not disappeared forever. As a result, babies between about 8 and 12 months may worry excessively when their mothers are out of sight, or when they are surrounded by new people.
Easing Stranger Anxiety
Parents can ease the effects of stranger anxiety in a number of ways. It's especially important not to rush things or pressure the child into moving too fast. Allow your baby or young toddler some time to get used to new people before expecting him to accept hugs or sit on their laps. It's also important to warn your friends and other people your child will meet that he may be shy at first. People who are unfamiliar with young children may be sensitive to what seems like rejection; it can be helpful to explain to them that your child's reluctance is nothing personal. Finally, prepare your child for a situation in which you know he will be meeting new people by ensuring that he is well fed and rested. Tired, cranky, hungry children are unlikely to respond well to strangers.
Older Children
Normal stranger anxiety in babies and toddlers can manifest in a range of ages and in varying degrees of severity. However, symptoms of stranger anxiety far outside the norm may be a cause for concern. Children over the age of 4 who are still experiencing stranger anxiety or separation anxiety may be suffering from Separation Anxiety Disorder, especially if their fears are severe; for instance, an excessive fear of going to school.
Lack of Stranger Anxiety
At the other extreme, children who never show signs of stranger anxiety may be suffering from an attachment disorder, which is sometimes seen in children who are neglected and abused; or they may be on the autism spectrum.
Stranger Anxiety and Day Care
Children who begin a new day care during their stranger anxiety phase, or who attend a large day care facility with many staff members, may have a hard time adjusting to being left for the day. Parents can ease this difficulty by allowing the child to adjust to the new situation gradually, by staying for a few minutes every day to help the child become acclimated to the new environment, and by ensuring, if possible, that their child will be watched by the same person all day instead of being passed around to different staff members. It is normal and healthy for a young child to form additional attachments to their part-time caretakers; this helps them through the difficult stranger anxiety period.
