Communicating your thoughts and feelings effectively is a vital component of every relationship. In order to convey your point, you must consider the most constructive way in which you can express your thoughts while simultaneously considering the sensitivity of the subject matter and of the other person. If you're able to articulate how you feel, in a productive manner, others are more willing to listen to what you have to say.
Use "I" Statements
Engaging in a productive dialogue requires that you express only how you feel. Kevin Everett FitzMaurice, M.S., therapist and founder of A Counseling Center warns against the use of "you" statements. He says that using statements like, "you always belittle me," and "you think I am stupid" are antagonistic assertions because you can't assume to know what another person thinks or feels. By applying "you" messages, you're pointing the finger and placing all blame on the other person. If someone feels like you're wrongfully accusing, that person can become defensive and angry, which may lead to a breakdown in communication. FitzMaurice explains that making "I" statements allows you to explain what you mean and can prevent hostile and defensive words.
Listen Respectfully
Communicating isn't a solitary pursuit; it entails not only expressing your opinions, but also agreeing to listen to the other. Psychologist and author Dr. Willard Harley insists that the act of listening confirms that you're attempting to understand what may be of great significance to the other person. He says that encouraging and receptive affirmations of the other persons' concern facilitate a mutual platform of open communication for you to also convey your views.
Think Before You Speak
Help Guide contributors, Dr. Jeanne Segal, Dr. Jaelline Jaffe, and Melinda Smith, M.A., warn that intense and unbridled emotions can significantly influence your ability to communicate effectively. High emotions can obscure your choice of words and unintentionally cause immense damage. Distinguish between a constructive interaction and an emotionally charged statement. Using vague or exaggerated statements like "never," "always," and "every time" to make your point will only invite an argument.
Agree to Disagree
Communication isn't a competition of who's wrong and who's right, it's an exchange of ideas that should allow you to gain more insight into each other. Questioning someone's thoughts can be enlightening for both of you, but you should use caution in the words you use so that it's merely challenging people's convictions and not attacking them. Psychologist and author, Leon F. Seltzer, says that disagreeing over personal beliefs and values isn't necessarily an obstacle to a relationship. Agree to disagree because you can't always expect others to share the same opinion you hold.
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