Abstinence From Sex

Overview
With all of the talk about sexuality, birth control and dating, there's a vocal group that believes that you're being encouraged to become sexually active. This is not the case at all, unless you feel pressured from your friends or your partner. Becoming sexually active is a very serious decision and it has very serious consequences. Unfortunately, many people don't consider consequences. In the old days, the biggest consequence of premarital sex was pregnancy. This is still a serious consideration, but the stakes have gotten higher. Today, sexual activity can mean sexually transmitted diseases--one of which is AIDS, which is life-threatening.

Complications
You can use protective measures like condoms and spermicide to protect you from STDs and pregnancy. However, the only 100 percent way to avoid unwanted pregnancy or STDs, is holding off on sex until after you're married. (Assuming the person you marry did the same and is faithful to you.) If you and your partner agree to this, then you will be each other's only sex partners--and therefore free from infection. In reality, with today's modern divorce rates, it doesn't necessarily mean that you will be with that one person your whole life.


Saying No
It can be very tough to say no to sex. There can be significant amounts of pressure on you at times and many teens feel pressured into having sexual intercourse. You may think that lots of your friends are doing it, or you may just want to find out what sex is like. Remember, sex is not a test of love. You can show someone special that you care deeply about them without having sex. There are many ways to show affection, including hold hands, kissing and hugging and listening to the other person.


Considerations
Why would you want to wait until marriage or serious commitment to have sexual intercourse? Aside from the obvious reasons of avoiding pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, you should consider the sacredness of the act of sexual intercourse--especially when it's your first time. Sexual intercourse is the most intimate act between a couple. It is the complete giving over of yourself to another person. It is sensitive, serious and very personal. It should be a decision that you make after giving it a lot of thought. It should be something you want to do--and done at a time that you choose. Sexual intercourse should not be taken lightly.

Some practical suggestions for practicing abstinence include:
1. Decide what you want to do about sex at a time when you feel clearheaded, sober and good about yourself. If you have a partner, decide together at a time when you feel close to each other but not sexual. For example, try talking while you take a walk and hold hands.
2. Decide in advance which sexual activities you will say "yes" to and discuss these with your partner. Know your limits and when to stop.
3. Tell your partner, very clearly and in advance, which activities you are not comfortable engaging in.
4. Avoid high-pressure sexual situations. Stay sober and avoid going into an empty house or the back seat of a car if you are not sure the person you are with will respect your decision.
5. If you say "no," say it so that it is clear and show that you mean it. Don't offer reasons or excuses for saying "no." Take the offensive. Tell your date how that continued pressure makes you feel (for example, uneasy, scared, offended, hurt). Refuse to discuss the matter further or walk away from the situation.
6. Learn about birth control and safe sex, so that you will be ready if you change your mind. Always keep condoms and spermicide around.

It's Your Decision
Choosing abstinence until marriage not only protects you, it gives you the opportunity to develop a meaningful, loving relationship with your future spouse. It may be difficult to not give in to the pressures to have sex. Your friends will claim to be be having sex and it's made to look so common place and acceptable on TV and in the movies. But choosing to wait, is your choice, and no one else can make that for you. Take some time and think about how you really feel about your own situation and values.