Teen Love Tips

Contrary to songs that make it seem like you have to lose yourself in love to be happy, real love isn't about denying who you are. So says Daisaku Ikeda, president of the Soka Gakkai International Buddhist Association, in his book "The Way of Youth---Buddhist Common Sense for Handing Life's Questions." Ikeda says the best kind of relationship helps you become a stronger, better you. Instead of changing you into someone else, a healthy relationship helps you bring out the best qualities that are already inside you.

Be Patient

According to Ikeda, if you're not in a relationship right now, don't worry. "When the time is right you will find someone to love," he says. There is something important and special that only you can do for the world. So don't waste time feeling sad or anxious over your love life---or lack of one.

Face Reality

Love isn't about escaping from problems, says Ikeda. He says that in a healthy relationship, "two people encourage each other to reach their goals [and] share each others' hopes and dreams." If you use a relationship to run away from life, your problems will only get bigger. Ikeda says that when you use someone as an escape, you're actually disrespecting both of you. When you love someone, you don't use them. And when you love yourself, you don't expect another person to fix your life---you believe in your own ability to do it.

Be Smart

Ikeda stresses that you have to be smart enough to recognize when someone just wants sex, money, popularity or something other than an honest relationship with you. One way to know a relationship is leading you to a bad place is to pay attention to how your parent feels about it, Ikeda advises. Sometimes parents are wrong or don't make good decisions. But often, if they suspect a friend of yours has bad intentions, they're right. A relationship that causes you to feel badly about yourself and do destructive things---like skip school and take drugs---is one you're better off without.

Discover Your Purpose

"You have a special mission---something important to contribute to the betterment of others," says Ikeda. The world is waiting for you to do the work that no one else can do quite like you. But if you just look for ways to have a good time and never think of giving back, you're being selfish. And a selfish person will never find true love. Ikeda says that when you help others, you become a more giving and loving person. And what goes around comes around. So the more you give, the more you'll get.

References

• "The Way of Youth--Buddhist Common Sense for Handling Life's Questions"; Daisaku Ikeda, 2000