Everyone experiences grief in his own unique way, and each stage of grief can last minutes, hours, weeks, months or longer. In her ground-breaking book published in 1969, "On Death and Dying," psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross introduced the five stages of the grieving process, which are now widely accepted by the medical community. The five stages are an outline of what nearly all people experience following a loss, but each person may experience the stages in different ways.
Denial & Shock
The first step in the grieving process happens immediately following the loss. Many people will experience feelings of "numbness" and shock, sometimes denying that the loss occurred or refusing to accept it. The denial stage of grief can feel overwhelming and you may find it difficult to achieve simple daily tasks, explains David Kessler, the co-author of the book also by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross called, "On Grief and Grieving." Although this first stage is extremely difficult for most people, it does serve an important purpose in protecting you, notes the University of Sydney. Experiencing the denial stage immediately after a loss can help you to cope and survive while dealing with an overwhelming situation, Kessler says.
Anger
The second step in the grief process is anger, in which you truly begin the healing process, Kessler says. You may experience intense feelings of anger as you move out of the denial stage and begin to accept that the loss indeed occurred. You may feel anger toward the person who died, your family members or friends, the person you feel is responsible for or contributed to the loved one's death, toward God, or toward yourself, explains the University of Sydney. In feeling anger toward yourself, you may also experience intense feelings of guilt. You may become preoccupied with thoughts of what you should have or could have done to prevent the person's death. Or, you may simply feel guilty that you are alive while your loved one is dead, the University of Sydney notes. Anger is such a common feeling among grieving people because it's an emotion that we can manage more easily than others and because beneath the anger lies the deep pain of the loss, Kessler explains.
Bargaining
Bargaining is the third stage of the grieving process that you may experience in different forms, depending on your specific situation. Some people will bargain that if they do something like becoming a better person, their loved one will return to life. Other people may experience the bargaining stage as becoming consumed with "what if" questions, Kessler says. For example, you may repeatedly ask yourself and others, "What if she had worn her seatbelt; would she still be alive today?"
Depression
In the fourth step in the grief process, you may finally find that you've acknowledged the loss. In the depression stage, your grief may deepen and intensify, Kessler notes. You may experience severe emotional pain and feelings of suffering, says the University of Sydney. You may have feelings of hopelessness and intense sadness over the loss. Depression is a natural response to a loss, however, and is a necessary part of the healing process, Kessler asserts.
Acceptance
The final step in the grieving process is acceptance, when you enter the recovery process. Acceptance is the point at which you're able to truly confront the reality that your loved one is gone and can cope with daily life with less pain, the University of Sydney explains. Acceptance also involves successfully living your life that has now changed and doesn't include your lost loved one, Kessler says. Acceptance doesn't mean that you forget the loved one or that you won't still feel pain from time to time, but instead this step involves fully acknowledging the loss and beginning to grow again. Forming new relationships, achieving new goals and enjoying your life again are all parts of the acceptance stage of the grief process, Kessler notes.
