Effective communication requires effort and skill. Some know how to communicate instinctively; others have to work hard at it. If interpersonal communication skills don't come naturally for you, following some basic guidelines can help you improve in this area. Building strong communication skills will serve you well at work, at home and in your community.
Make It a Two-Way Street
You can't just talk at another person, you have to talk with them. This means you adjust your manner of communicating according to the situation and the person. You put as much effort into listening as talking. It also means you use a different approach when trying to motivate an apathetic employee than when you're trying to calm an angry one. If you have a wide range of communication techniques in your repertoire, you can choose the ones that are most suitable for each situation.
Acknowledge Feelings
Whether or not you agree with another person's perspective, you can show respect by validating the person's feelings. Try a simple nod or a phrase like, "I see." This may be all it takes to communicate empathy.
Sometimes it may be beneficial to talk about your feelings. Rather than putting someone on the defensive when you wish to call attention to some behavior that you consider unacceptable, try the "When you/I felt" model. For example, "Yesterday when I discovered the information I told you in confidence was now common knowledge in the office, I felt betrayed."
Focus on the Positive
People have a tendency to believe and remember negative feedback more than the positive, but a little bit of positive feedback can go a long way toward diffusing defensiveness. When you want to offer some constructive criticism, speak calmly and respectfully. Start out by telling the listener what she does well. This will increase the chances that she is willing to listen and evaluate what you have to say.
Check Your Perceptions
It is wise to seek confirmation for what you believe the other person is saying. Use a friendly tone to show you are trying to understand. Start with a phrase such as, "It sounds like...", "If I heard you correctly..." or "Are you saying...?" You can also use a perception check to confirm or deny your observations. For example, "I've noticed that you're extremely quiet today. Aren't you feeling well? Or is something going on?"
Use Silence to Your Advantage
Hesitate a bit before blurting out a comment or jumping to a conclusion. When you are quiet, you may encourage reflection---both your own and the other person's. A bit of silence may also encourage the speaker to give you more information.
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