1. Recognize the Cause
Separation anxiety is the primary cause behind children's difficulties with preschool. Around the age of 4 to 7 months, children begin to develop object permanence, recognition of the fact that persons and things exist even though they cannot be seen. Unfortunately, small children are not yet able to grasp the concept of time. Therefore, when you leave your child alone at a preschool, daycare or babysitter, she realizes that you are gone and experiences intense fear that you may never return.
To reduce her anxiety and keep you from disappearing, your child will do anything to stop you, which usually includes crying, holding her breath, clinging to your legs and screaming. This normal developmental stage sometimes transforms into Separation Anxiety Disorder, a condition characterized by panic attacks, nightmares, phobias and excessive worry, all related to being left alone. If your child is experiencing these symptoms, speak with your doctor and consider treatment options.
2. Develop Trust
The developmental psychologist Erick Erickson noted that people experience a series of emotional milestones as they progress throughout their lifespan, with each marker shaping their personality in some way. The first milestone in his theory applies to preschoolers and is known as "trust verses mistrust." Essentially, children's early experiences help them form a basic concept of their world. If needs such as nourishment, safety, security and affection are met, then they develop trust and view their environment as safe and stable.
However, if these needs are not met, then the child's emotional perceptions swing in the opposite direction, leading him to mistrust others and to view the world as hostile and undependable. For this reason, parents must work hard to develop trust between themselves and their child. Avoid saying misleading things, such as "I'll be right back" when you know you'll be gone all day. Young children recognize your absence even though their concept of time has not yet fully developed. Strive to be dependable and always keep your promises. Doing these things will help your child develop trust, making him much less likely to experience separation anxiety when you leave him alone at preschool.
3. Focus on Building Familiarity and Reliable Routines
A good first step for introducing your child to preschool is taking her to meet her teachers and caregivers. While you are present, encourage your child to interact with the persons that will be overseeing her, and provide her opportunities to play with other children her age. This will develop a sense of familiarity and will help your child adjust to her new environment. Start by leaving her alone for brief periods, such as 2 to 3 hours at a time. Explain to your child that you will return, but remember to use concepts she can understand. Rather than saying you'll pick her up in a couple of hours, tell her you will be back after playtime.
Doing so will let your child know what to anticipate and it will also build trust when you return as expected. As your children grow accustomed to this schedule, you can increase the duration of their time alone without fear of negative reactions. However, be careful to maintain consistency in your drop-off and pick-up times as well as the location and persons with whom you leave your child. Routines give children a comforting sense of predictability.
4. Communicate Clearly and Foster Excitement
Consider your preschooler's feelings by taking time to explain your absence. Welcome questions and offer reassurance by promising that you will return. Finally, build anticipation by pointing out the fun he will have, the games he will play, the snacks he will enjoy, the children he will interact with and the interesting things he will learn at preschool. Oftentimes, children who know what to expect become excited and eager when you show them how fun preschool can be. Finally, be sure to say "goodbye," and then slip out while your child is playing. If your child notices you have gone, he may cry, but this should last only a few minutes.
