Talking About Genital Herpes

Talking to Your Partner About Your Herpes

Telling someone you care about that you have genital herpes can be difficult, and you may be afraid, nervous or apprehensive of having the discussion. You may worry that if you are honest with your partner or family about having genital herpes, they will be angry or judge you. Maybe they'll even stop caring about you.

It’s important to remember that genital herpes is a very common disease, and having it is only a small part of who you are. You shouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed about it, and you shouldn't let someone else make you feel that way. The more comfortable you become with yourself as someone who has genital herpes, the easier it will be for you to talk to others about your condition.


Why Should You Tell Someone?

Some people choose not to tell their partner about their genital herpes. Instead, they abstain from sex during outbreaks and practice safe sex at other times. What's the harm in this? You're being responsible by taking steps to protect your partner from getting genital herpes. The problem is that most people who don't tell spend a lot of time worrying that their partner will get herpes or find out some other way. Research now shows that herpes can be spread during times when there is no outbreak--it is only fair to give your partner full disclosure, and with that the right to chose their risk for themselves. Waiting and putting off the subject might prove to be more difficult.

Not telling your partner that you are infected with genital herpes can be very damaging to your relationship. Making excuses about not having sex during an outbreak can create distance between you and your partner. Your partner may interpret your excuses as something far more damaging to the relationship than genital herpes.

If your partner contracts genital herpes, he will probably be angry and hurt that you weren't honest with him in the first place. As difficult as it may seem, being open and honest about your situation may be the best thing for your relationship. Talk with your health-care provider to be sure you have accurate facts and information that you can then share with your partner. Invite your partner to a doctor's visit so she can be informed as well.