Common Characteristics of Codependence

Do you sometimes wonder if you are codependent? If you respond affirmatively to the majority of these questions, chances are the answer is yes.

• Do you feel responsible for other people's feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, health, happiness and overall sense of well-being?

• Do you feel compelled to solve everyone else's problems and take care of their every want and need?

• Do you focus the vast majority of your energy on pleasing others, protecting others, caring for others or trying to manipulate others into doing things "your way"?

• Do you mask your efforts to control people and situations as "being helpful"?

• Do you feel as if almost nothing is too much trouble, takes too much time or is too expensive if it will "help" the person/people you are involved with?

• Is your "good day" determined by how good the day is for everybody else around you?

• Do you find it easier to stand up for another, or get angry about the injustices done to another, than to stand up and fight for your own rights?

• Do you feel safest and most comfortable when you are focused on taking care of someone else?

• Do you find it hard to describe how you feel, but always seem to know how everyone else around you is feeling?

• Do you bolster your own self-worth or self-esteem by making someone else feel good?

• Do you feel insecure and guilty when someone gives to you?

• Do you feel empty, bored and worthless if you don't have someone else to take care of, a problem to solve or a crisis to deal with?

• Are you often unable to stop talking, thinking and worrying about other people and their problems?

• Do you lose your serenity because someone else in your life is having a "bad day"?

• Are you terrified of angry people and personal criticism?

• Do you loose sight of your own life when you are "in love" with someone else?

• Do you put your hobbies, interests, likes and dislikes aside whenever you're with someone else?

• Do other people's desires dictate your behaviors?

• Do you value other people's opinions more than you value your own?

• Are you thoughts and feelings more reflective of the thoughts and feelings of others around you than of your own?

• Do you stay in unfulfilling or toxic relationships for fear that no one else will want you?

• Do you seem to go from one bad relationship to another?

• Do you sometimes wonder if you are addicted to personal or emotional pain?

• Do you sometimes wonder if you have "sucker" written on your forehead or "doormat" on your back?

• Do you find "normal" or "nice" people boring?

If you would like to learn more about codependence, I suggest you start with Melody Beattie's book, "Codependent No More," or check out her website, Melodybeattie.com.