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Signs That Your Relationship is Toxic

by
author image Candice Coleman
Candice Coleman worked in the public school system as a middle school and high school substitute teacher. In addition to teaching, she is also a tutor for high school and college students.
Signs That Your Relationship is Toxic
A couple against a wall looking away from one another. Photo Credit Digital Vision./Photodisc/Getty Images

When your relationship first began, any doubt or concern you felt may have been buried beneath excitement and adoration for your new partner. Over time, a "toxic" relationship -- in which you and your partner bring out the worst in one another -- may leave your enthusiasm fading. Some clear signs indicate that your relationship may not be as good for you as you think.

Me, Me, Me

Every time you have a problem, your partner shows a lack of interest or immediately puts the focus on himself and his concerns, leaving you feeling neglected and unimportant. In other cases, he may blame every problem on you and fail to accept responsibility for his own role in a problem, according to counselor Rosemary K.M. Sword and psychologist Philip Zimbardo, in the "Psychology Today" article "Toxic Relationships." If you try to raise concerns or solve a problem, your partner belittles you or attempts to bully you into silence. You may grow resentful and angry toward your partner, as it seems only his thoughts, feelings and opinions are valid.

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Stifled Growth and Development

If your goals and dreams are always met with criticism or a lack of support from your partner, this indicates toxicity in the relationship, according to psychotherapist Nathan Feiles in his "Psych Central" article, "10 Signs You May Be In An Unhealthy Relationship." If you find that your growth is often stifled, your partner repeatedly discouraging you from getting a job or learning a new skill, your relationship may be a toxic hindrance to your development. While a partner may not always be supportive of your goals and dreams, if criticism and lack of support are more common than not, your relationship may be toxic.

You Can't Be Yourself

If you feel as though your relationship is a stage production in which you play anyone but yourself, your relationship may be toxic, according to Sword and Zimbardo. If you are rarely happy when spending time with your partner, and find yourself feeling free and happy when you are apart, something may need to change. Toxicity could also be a problem if you feel that pursuing school, work, friendships or other pursuits outside of your relationship is difficult or not possible, according to the HealthyChildren.org article, "Expect Respect: Healthy Relationships."

Troubled Conflict Resolution

Some couples fall into a toxic pattern of resolving differences. Name-calling, shouting or ignoring one another has little place in the healthy solving of problems, according to HealthyChildren.org. If one partner is not allowed to have a say in what the two of you do or if jealousy is a constant element in your relationship, control issues may be at play. If continuing the relationship is still a possibility, a relationship counselor or therapist may be able to help.

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References

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