Mental abuse is the attempt to manipulate another person by means of humiliation or intimidation. It may occur between any two people, especially when one person is in a position to dominate another. It is common in employer-employee, spouse-spouse and parent-child relationships. Psychologists have identified a number of common characteristics of mental abuse.
Domination
The abuser will seek to control every aspect of your life. The abuser may interrogate you about your whereabouts whenever you have been out of the abuser's presence, confiscate you cell phone, monitor your email or text messages, or, in the case of a romantic relationship, make false and baseless accusations of infidelity. The abuser may attempt to control your thoughts and attitudes by insisting that you agree with the abuser's opinions.
Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse includes sarcasm, belittling, constant criticism over petty matters, name-calling, yelling, threatening, deliberately embarrassing you in front of others and any other attempt to use words to cause you distress or lower your self-esteem. Criticism will usually attack your abilities or make negative assumptions about your intentions. In many cases verbal abuse is subtle, characterized by the skillful use of insinuation. If you verbalize the insinuation, the abuser can always deny that your interpretation is accurate and go on to insinuate that you are paranoid.
Emotional Blackmail
Emotional blackmail can include threats to end the relationship or abandon you, or withholding of affection or approval. In all cases, these tactics are used as leverage to coerce you to do what the abuser wants you to do. An abuser may also become familiar with your emotional "hot buttons" such as guilt or fear, and use these to manipulate you.
Denial
An abuser will often deny that abusive events occurred or that abusive words were spoken. If you contradict him, he may question your honesty, your memory or your sanity. The abuser may respond to being confronted over his abuse by refusing to listen, refusing to communicate, or by completely ignoring you. This behavior may continue long after the confrontation ends, as a form of punishment.
Passive Agressive Behavior
An abuser may disguise his abusive behavior by masking it as "helping." Instead of direct criticism, the abuser may question every act you take and every thought you express. He will then offer solutions to your "problem"--when the only "problem" may be that your viewpoint differs from the abuser's in any minor way. This behavior can be distinguished from sincere helping behavior when its purpose is to seize or maintain control of your thoughts or actions or lower your self-esteem.
