Upon reaching the age of a teenager, your previously easy-going and affable child may suddenly become belligerent, uncooperative and moody. Many parents experience the same change in temperament and often wonder what the problem is. As your teen grows, ages and discovers independence and autonomy, it can cause problems around the home. Look for the classic teenage problems with parents and realize that what you are experiencing is a completely normal growing pain of parenting teens of any age.
Autonomy
As teens age, they begin to test their autonomy and independence, regardless of the ground rules that you've laid out for them. Despite regulations and expectations, teens are often found walking the fine line between childhood and adulthood by testing to see what they can get away with. The Cornell University Extension Service warns that suffocating your teen with further rules can breed contempt. Instead, relinquish some control and allow your teen to prove to you that she can be trusted to make wise decisions on her own.
Boundaries
When parents set boundaries around teens, teens can't help but try and push those boundaries. For instance, if you've given your teen a curfew of midnight on Friday and Saturday night, your teen may test how serious you are about that guideline by coming in slightly later. When you get upset, he'll tell himself that it's exactly what he expected you to do, yet if you ignore it he may push harder. Focus on the Family recommends you have clear and consistent rules, but recognize the reasons for rebellion; perhaps he feels stifled by the rules or is dealing with pressure by friends to stay out later.
Communication
Your teen may feel annoyed or even mortified when you try to sit down and have a heart-to-heart discussion with her. While she values you, she doesn't want to be put on the spot to talk about friends, school or love. This can make it difficult for you to communicate with your teen in a mature way. FamilyEducation.com recommends listening to your teen more than you talk, and avoiding giving lectures or advice. Instead, wait for a more causal setting to talk to your teen, like in the car or while watching television so it doesn't seem so formal.
Relation
Your teen probably thinks that you are too old or removed from his problems to "get" his daily struggles. And you shouldn't try and act as though you are his hip friend. Instead, be a parent that he can go to for advice anytime. Otherwise you run the risk of alienating him when you presume that you understand his individual troubles. Use past experiences to relate to your teen, rather than trying to relate to him by becoming more like a teen yourself.
