Login or Register

About Meeting New People

Nov 22, 2011 | By J.E. Myers
About Meeting New People
Photo Credit George Doyle/Stockbyte/Getty Images

Even though this may be an era of mass communication, people still may feel disconnected and lonely, and afraid to meet new people. Aside from being a hallmark of being human, socializing is vitally important to good mental and emotional health. People who are isolated for too long can become depressed, according to Allan Schwartz, a licensed clinical social worker in Colorado and New York. Making the effort to meet new people can be a struggle. Fortunately, Schwartz suggests several ways to overcome the obstacles and make new friends.

Best Locations

Fewer than one in six married couples met in a bar. Polling of 11,000 participants in a study by Match.com and Chadwick Martin Bailey Behavioral Research showed that 36 percent of individuals of all ages are more likely to meet new people through work or school, 26 percent through a family member or friend, 17 percent through online dating sites and 11 percent at special events or at church. Only 8 percent of the participants in the study identified bars as being best for meeting new people. You can increase your chances of meeting worthy new people by not just looking for them in bars.

Meeting Anywhere There Are Shared Interests

Striking up that first conversation is often the hardest part of meeting new people, according to author Ben White, author of “The 100 Best Ways to Meet People.” You can increase your comfort level in talking to strangers by knowing in advance that you have a shared interest with them. Bumping into someone new at an antiques auction, for example, assures you that you and the other person can at least talk about your shared love of antiques immediately. Meeting at a concert or a reception for a new art gallery is another way to have immediate rapport with someone new. If you don’t know what to say, say something about where you are and what has brought you to this place.

Overcoming Technology’s Barriers

Even though people are more connected these days through personal computers and cell phones, licensed clinical social worker Schwartz notes that, in some ways, these devices have increased the barriers between people. When someone has a phone to his ear all the time, earbuds plugged into an iPod or bent over a computer in a coffee shop, he is often giving subtle clues that say “leave me alone.” One good “in” is to ask how he likes, or doesn't like, his device. Most people are more than willing to share the pros and cons of their toys, and this can start a good conversation.

Lower Your Expectations

In “The 100 Best Ways to Meet People,” author Ben White says one of the surest ways to be unsuccessful in meeting new people is to start out with an over-developed “mission” and an unrealistic goal in mind. Laying out an elaborate strategy to meet Mr. Right tonight is a prescription for failure. People generally sense when new acquaintances are trying too hard, and might throw up defenses. White recommends taking it easy. Just relax and expect only to meet interesting new people.

Overcoming Rejection

Rejection in adulthood is as difficult to handle as in childhood, according to psychiatrist David Burns, author of “Intimate Connections” After new acquaintances have rejected you, you may become nervous about rejection. Burns recommends keeping an open mind, not judging everyone you meet by past rejections and seeking counseling, if necessary, to build up healthy self-esteem. You can’t let the failure to connect with one or two new people cut you off from the entire world.

A Balance of Personalities

You will have a better chance of making a comfortable connection if you don’t have to span too large a gap in personalities, according to Dr. Burns. For example, while it is certainly possible for an extremely shy person to make friends with an extremely extroverted individual, the odds are not in the favor a solid relationship between polar opposites. However, Burns says, you won’t want to seek someone who is exactly the same personality type as you, either. Instead, keep your eye out for a person who is a little less extroverted or a little more gregarious than you are.

Becoming a Regular

One of the most successful ways to meet new people is simply to show up and often, author Ben White says. For example, start hanging out at a local coffee shop at the same time each day, chat with the help, make eye contact and say a polite “hello” to other regulars while you read a book or newspaper. As your investment in this location increases, you will usually graduate effortlessly into light conversation with people. You will then be joining them for coffee or a game of chess, and finally becoming genuine friends.

References

Article reviewed by Glenn Singer Last updated on: Nov 22, 2011

Must see: Photo Galleries