Many toddlers display anxiety when approached by people they do not know. This phenomenon is called stranger anxiety. For some children, stranger anxiety may seem to occur suddenly, perhaps with a sudden aversion to a friend, relative, neighbor or stranger. For most it is a gradual process in which the child initially shows subtle signs of distress that increase in intensity over a period of several months.
Onset and Duration
Stranger anxiety begins to emerge between six to eight months of age, according to Keep Kids Healthy. The Merk Manual indicates that stranger anxiety generally peaks around 10 to 18 months and usually resolves by 24 months. It usually does not create significant problems, but in some children it can persist beyond the age of two. By age three, some children will continue to show shyness due to their temperament and personal experience, but they should move beyond their stranger anxiety.
Signs
Children have various ways of displaying their anxiety, according to the University of Pittsburg. Some may suddenly get quiet and look fearfully at a stranger. Others may start to fuss and then burst out crying. Many babies will try to bury themselves in their parents' arms. As they grow older and the anxiety becomes more intense and their physical skills develop, they may run from strangers, cling to their parents' legs and beg to be picked up.
Associated Milestones
Stranger anxiety emerges as children's cognitive abilities develop to allow them to differentiate between different people. Newborn infants cannot readily distinguish between adults, but they start to show preference for their caretakers as early as four months. Around the time they learn to distinguish between adults, they start to prefer to be with their primary caretakers and they begin to show signs of anxiety around people they don't know. A couple of months after they show stranger anxiety, they also start to show object permanence. This is the cognitive ability to know that an object exists even when it is not observable. For example, if a toy is taken from a baby and placed under a pillow, the child without object permanence loses interest in the object. Around this same time, about two months after the development of stranger anxiety, separation anxiety can begin to appear. The confluence of the cognitive ability to differentiate between people, caretaker preference, object permanence and separation anxiety contributes to the occurrence and intensity of stranger anxiety.
Anxiety is Normal
Stranger anxiety is a normal developmental occurrence, so parents should not fret over their children's apprehensions. A child who cries when handed from a caretaker to a relatively unfamiliar person is not spoiled. She is simply demonstrating her growing attachment to mom or dad. Parents should not forgo separations to avoid triggering anxiety.
Interventions
Children need to develop the knowledge that their parents can go away but then will return. Parents can reduce their child's anxiety by having babysitters spend time with the child while the parent is still around. Parents can help their child mature through stranger anxiety by remaining calm and keeping goodbyes brief. Assure the child that mom and dad will return. Take advantage of separations within the household, for example, by telling your child you are going into another room but will be back. Help your child learn that everything will be okay even though you may be gone from his view for a time. Use transitional objects such as a favored stuffed toy or a blanket to help the child calm down.
