Steps For Grieving After The Death Of A Spouse

In her 1969 book "On Death and Dying," physician Elisabeth Kubler-Ross set forth the five stages of grief: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The stages of grief were not intended to define in linear fashion the process of grieving or to determine an acceptable time frame for grief, but rather to help understand the emotional states that can occur during the grieving process. If you are grieving the loss of a spouse, you should expect to experience some of the stages, but not necessarily all or in order. You may also experience one of the first four stages more than once before finally working through to acceptance. While nothing can remove the loss, you can do many things to help manage your grief, lessening its impact on other areas of your life.

Lean on Family and Friends

When dealing with a catastrophic loss, it is easy to lock yourself away from the outside but it's not necessarily the healthiest thing to do. If you were used to sharing your space every day with the same person, and now the house is empty, you may sink into depression. Your friends and family are also hurting and doing something for you will make all of you feel better, even if it's only coffee and conversation. Speaking about your grief is an important part of healing. Rather than hiding your grief away, confront it head-on. If you do not have friends or family close by, seek help with a professional counselor or a support group.

Follow Your Routine

Take the time you need to sit with your own thoughts, but as soon as you are able, attempt to get back into your normal routine. That may include a job, hobby, club meetings or regular outings with friends. Getting back into your normal routine helps remind you that life is still there waiting for you to jump back in. It helps you feel that no matter how much your life has changed, some things are still constant for now. Following your old routine will also provide temporary distractions for dwelling on the sadness you feel.

Avoid Major Decisions

When you're still reeling with grief, you should not make major changes in your life, such as selling your home, moving away, and quitting or changing jobs. Wait until your mind is clearer and more focused before making life-altering decisions. An overwhelming desire for change during an intense period of grief can dissipate completely once you're more settled.

Get Ahead With Anger

Many people suffering a huge loss spend time in the anger stage of grief. Left unchecked, the anger stage can create a bitter person, but used effectively, all kinds of things can be accomplished during the anger stage. Channel all the energy created by anger into physical activity. Paint your living room a bright color, plant a garden or start an exercise plan. Not only will the physical activity help you release some of the anger, at the end of the stage, you may have a remodeled home, a garden of pretty flowers or a healthier body.