1. Use Close Proximity and Watch for Nonverbal Messages
Rather than speaking from a distance or yelling from another room, take the time to move close to your child. Young children live in a world that is highly focused, a world filled with distracting sights and sounds that absorb the child's attention at every turn. By moving close, bending down and making eye contact, you become the center of attention, making the child much more likely to notice and respond to what you say. If the child seems distracted, touch him gently to indicate that what you want to express is important and that he should listen.
Research indicates that 55 to 70 percent of all communication is nonverbal. Concerning speech, only 7 percent of your message is related through the words you use. The rest is communicated by the tone of your voice.
2. Listen Actively and Show Interest
If you want your child to listen to what you have to say, then you had better be ready to listen to her. Children can detect when you aren't being genuine or when your responses are callous and cold.
Communicate with your feelings to form an emotional bond and give your words a more powerful effect. If you want your child to get excited about a trip to the zoo, demonstrate excitement when telling her about it. If you want her to express remorse for misbehavior, convey sadness and disappointment through your tone of voice. Similarly, when your child responds, listen actively by repeating what she says and matching her emotional inflection.
3. Be Clear and Specific
A child's verbal skills are not nearly as advanced as an adult's. For this reason, avoid using big words or speaking quickly. Short sentences filled with key words work best. To minimize confusion, specify exactly what you want your child to do. Vague statements about cleaning his room should be replaced with direct instructions, such as "Put your toys in the toy chest." Not only does this give the child a sense of direction, but it also limits other actions he may take when confused about the task.
Beyond this, children have feelings and may disagree with your instructions if what you ask them to do doesn't make sense to them. When you tell your child to be quiet, he doesn't realize that his favorite toy is disrupting your phone call. To the child, it looks like you are commanding him not to have fun. Therefore, take a moment to explain why you are asking him to obey. When the child understands that what you are saying is necessary or beneficial, he will be much more likely to agree and may even demonstrate an eagerness to comply.
4. Discipline Lovingly and Exercise Patience
Consistency is essential when disciplining a child. If you let her tantrum rage unchecked in one instance and scold her harshly the second time, she will quickly become confused and resentful. Rules give children a sense of security and stability. However, children naturally "test the limits" of those rules, partly to secure your attention and partly to determine if their world truly is stable and predictable. Don't disappoint them during these times of testing.
By disciplining swiftly, consistently and compassionately, you will earn your child's respect and she will be much more likely to listen when you speak. Fail to do this and your child will begin to feel that rules are little more than an irrelevant nuisance, seldom enforced and entirely negative. Help your child to understand that your rules exist because you care about her safety and well being and let her know that, just like in the real world, there are consequences for breaking the rules. This form of "tough love" will help your child to build character and integrity. Additionally, it will insure she listens when you speak.
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