Verbal Communication And Relationships

Who says shouting "I hate you" is wrong? Virtually every parent in the world, according to PsychologyToday.com's Leon F. Seltzer. When you were young, says Seltzer, your parents probably said you shouldn't express unpleasant, brutally honest feelings, such as hatred for a sibling who wouldn't share a toy. So over time, you learned to suppress your true feelings. And if you remained unaware of your tendency to hide what you feel, this tendency taints your relationships today.

Effects

Seltzer says just the idea of being negatively judged over expressing an unpleasant or unpopular opinion or feeling scares many people. And by not taking the risk of saying what they truly feel, they lose touch with who they really are. Seltzer believes the only way you can be truly happy is to say what's in your heart, even if it means people won't like it or will reject you.

Potential

On Ikedaquotes.org, Buddhist leader Daisaku Ikeda says that even an extremely hostile person will eventually listen to you if you continue to approach her sincerely and honestly. He believes that a key element in communicating with others is to constantly develop the ability to look at matters from the other person's point of view. He suggests that you remember that everyone has "good points and bad, (so) the important thing is to strive to combat our own inner obstinacy and narrow-mindedness."

Solution

Psychologist Amy Bellows of PsychCentral.com stresses that you have to really respect the person to whom you're talking. She advises that, during a dialogue, you should take full responsibility for the conversation, put your whole heart into it, commit to sticking with the dialogue until the end, say what's really on your mind and ask questions when you don't understand what the other person is saying instead of flying off the handle in an angry outburst.

Prevention

Bellow believes that if you love someone, you should invest in strengthening your relationship through communication. Ikeda underscores the importance of self-reflection. He says "When we stop looking at ourselves, when we no longer question ourselves, we become self-righteous and dogmatic." Once you become that way, says Ikeda, the conversation starts being all about you, and you can't really hear what the other person says.

Theories/Speculation

Steven Stosny of PsychologyToday.com believes problems crop up in your efforts to communicate when you fail to connect. When you place your desire to connect with another person's life above your desire to manipulate, challenge or prove a point, communication is easy, says Stosny. He suggests that before you try to talk about a heavy issue with someone with whom you're close, ask yourself if your objective is to connect with him or to achieve some other goal. If connection isn't your priority, Stosny recommends that you postpone the conversation until it is.