Communicating properly and effectively is an essential element in developing and maintaining any relationship, yet many people find it difficult to express themselves at work, at home and in social situations. Improving the manner in which you communicate your ideas and listen to others can help you to advance the quality of your dialogue, avoid conflict and acquire positive results in your personal and professional relationships.
Reflect
Conveying your thoughts or frustrations in a constructive manner requires tact. You have to examine your method of approach before you engage. Consider the appropriateness of the time, the place and your emotional state in relation to the subject prior to starting a conversation. Intense emotions can unintentionally hurt other people and obscure effective communication, so think before you deliver. Life coach and trainer Guy Farmer suggests that interactions are more pleasant and productive if you're in control of your emotions. Psychotherapist David Sternberg affirms this notion by adding that if you reflect on what you want to say, you can avoid making assumptions that produce arguments and resentment.
Engage
Avoiding or minimizing communication is detrimental to relationships. You may have trouble communicating with others because you don't want to cause conflict by revealing your thoughts and emotions, but often, by withholding communication, you may actually provoke conflict.
Author and psychologist Leon F. Seltzer refers to communication today as a "universal phobia." He maintains that many people are apprehensive about revealing their thoughts and emotions for fear of rejection or isolation, and instead allow the desire for approval to override the need for communication. By accepting the fact that your thoughts and views are going to conflict with others at times, and believing that your opinion is of value and consequence, you can feel more confident in expressing yourself.
Seltzer emphasizes this by proposing that "if we, as the adults we are today, could only grasp that another's disapproval (or even rejection) is not something that in itself nullifies our worth--if we could just grasp that the judgment of others need not affect the way we judge ourselves--then the roadblocks to genuinely disclosing our selfhood could at last be removed."
Listen
Acknowledging the thoughts and emotions of others allows a balance in the exchange of ideas and promotes openness and respect. Conflict often develops when one or both participants feels attacked. Sternberg explains this tendency: "Defensiveness is sometimes rooted in wanting to be 'right' during an argument and proving our spouse 'wrong.' When this happens, our stubbornness takes over and all we care about is 'winning' the argument."
Communicating isn't a competition of who can speak the loudest or talk the most; it's about initiating useful discussions in order to implement resolutions. Farmer emphasizes that each participant should have an equal amount of time to talk without interruptions, rebuke or contradiction.
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