Numerous parenting books attempt to provide insight into the process of raising a child. Each child's individual temperament and personality make any type of "one size fits all" advice difficult to follow. Parents struggling with their child's problematic behaviors, such as anxiety, shyness, aggression or self-centeredness, might wonder if their child exhibits typical behaviors for their age. While the range of "normal" behaviors varies widely depending on the child's age, as well as their intellectual and emotional maturity, children exhibiting violent or harmful behaviors, like extreme aggression, stealing or frequent tantrums, might benefit from professional help.
Significance
Determining the "normalcy" of a child's behavior can be a difficult process for professionals or parents. The American Academy of Pediatrics, AAP, cautions that this determination depends greatly upon the age of the child, as well as his individual temperament and level of maturity. Parental expectations also play a part---some parents tolerate a high degree of activity in children while others find high energy levels worrisome. Cultural mores and values also play a part in determining "typical" behavior.
Types
To help you make a determination about your child's behavior, the AAP recommends sorting it into three different categories. Positive behaviors include politeness, helpfulness and compliance to rules at home or school. Temporary negative behaviors might include immature behavior when over-tired or potty training regression after the birth of a sibling. Consistent negative behaviors include any troubling patterns of misbehavior, such as constant tantrums or resistance to authority, damaging or destructive behaviors, like extreme aggression or substance abuse.
Identification
Looking carefully at your child's behavior allows you to identify triggers for negative behaviors so that you can attempt to remedy these behaviors. Frequent tantrums in the afternoon might result from over-tiredness, which you can alleviate by offering younger kids a nap or ensuring older children go to bed earlier. Your own emotional state and patience level also play a part in whether you perceive your child's behaviors as "normal"---at the end of a long, stressful day, many parents perceive their child's energy or talkativeness as negative traits.
Considerations
Avoid interpreting your child's innate personality as a behavior problem. Accept his basic nature---whether outgoing and social or shy and retiring. The American Academy of Family Physicians cautions that trying to change a child's personality rarely works, so try to work with his personality not against it. While you can encourage self-confidence in a shy child and good manners in an exuberant one, make sure you tread lightly to avoid hurting his feelings.
Warning
Medline Plus cautions that children with consistent patterns of negative behaviors at home or school might suffer from a behavior disorder. If your child or teen exhibits a pattern of damaging or self-destructive behavior that persists for more than six months, contact your child's primary care provider with your concerns. Treatment options exist that can help turn around problematic behaviors before they afflict life-long harm on your child.
