Accepting Personal Responsibility
Content
What is accepting personal responsibility?
How can failing to accept personal responsibility result in negative consequences?
What do people believe who have not accepted personal responsibility?
What behavior traits need to be developed in order to accept personal responsibility?
What are the steps in accepting personal responsibility?
What is accepting personal responsibility?
Accepting personal responsibility includes:
* Acknowledging that you are solely responsible for the choices in your life.
* Accepting that you are responsible for what you choose to feel or think.
* Accepting that you choose the direction for your life.
* Accepting that you cannot blame others for the choices you have made.
* Tearing down the mask of defense or rationale for why others are responsible for who you are, what has happened to you and what you are bound to become.
* The rational belief that you are responsible for determining who your are, and how your choices affect your life.
* Pointing the finger of responsibility back to yourself and away from others when you are discussing the consequences of your actions.
*Realizing that you determine your feelings about any events or actions addressed to you, no matter how negative they seem.
* Recognizing that you are your best cheerleader; it is not reasonable or healthy for you to depend on others to make you feel good about yourself.
* Recognizing that as you enter adulthood and maturity, you determine how your self-esteem will develop.
* Not feeling sorry for the "bum deal" you have been handed but taking hold of your life and giving it direction and reason.
* Letting go of your sense of over responsibility for others.
* Protecting and nurturing your health and emotional well being.
* Taking preventive health oriented steps of structuring your life with time management, stress management, confronting fears and burnout prevention.
* Taking an honest inventory of your strengths, abilities, talents, virtues and positive points.
* Developing positive, self-affirming, self-talk scripts to enhance your personal development and growth.
* Letting go of blame and anger toward those in your past who did the best they could, given the limitations of their knowledge, background and awareness.
* Working out anger, hostility, pessimism and depression over past hurts, pains, abuse, mistreatment and misdirection.
How can failing to accept personal responsibility result in negative consequences?
When you have not accepted personal responsibility, you can run the risk of becoming:
* Overly dependent on others for recognition, approval, affirmation and acceptance.
* Chronically hostile, angry or depressed over how unfairly you have been or are being treated.
* Fearful about ever taking a risk or making a decision.
* Overwhelmed by disabling fears.
* Unsuccessful at the enterprises you take on in life.
* Unsuccessful in personal relationships.
* Emotionally or physically unhealthy.
* Addicted to unhealthy substances, such as the abuse of alcohol, drugs, food or unhealthy behavior such as excessive gambling, shopping, sex, smoking, work, etc.
* Over responsible and guilt ridden in your need to rescue and enable others in your life.
* Unable to develop trust or to feel secure with others.
* Resistant to vulnerability.
What do people believe who have not accepted personal responsibility?
* It's not my fault I am the way I am.
* I never asked to be born.
* Now that you have me, what are you going to do with me?
* I want you to fix me.
* Life is unfair! There is no sense in trying to take control of my life.
* Why go on; I see no use in it.
* You can't help me, nobody can help me. I'm useless and a failure.
* God has asked too much of me this time. There is no way I'll ever be able to handle this.
* When do the troubles and problems cease? I'm tired of all this.
* Stop the world; I want to get off.
* Life is so depressing. If only I had better luck and had been born to a healthier family, or attended a better school, or gotten a better job, etc.
* How can you say I am responsible for what happens to me in the future? There is fate, luck, politics, greed, envy, wicked and jealous people, and other negative influences that have a greater bearing on my future than I have.
* How can I ever be happy, seeing how bad my life has been?
* My parents made me what I am today!
* The problems in my family have influenced who I am and what I will be; there is nothing I can do to change that.
* Racism, bigotry, prejudice, sexism, ageism and closed-mindedness all stand in the way of my becoming what I really want to be.
* No matter how hard I work, I will never get ahead.
* You have to accept the luck of the draw.
* I am who I am; there is no changing me.
* No one is going to call me crazy, depressed or troubled and then try to change me.
Terms used to describe those who have not accepted personal responsibility include martyrs, self-pitying, depressed, losers, quitters, chronically angry, dependent personalities, complainers, addictive personalities, blamers, stubborn, persons in denial, troubled people, stuck, fearful, pessimists, despondent, mentally unstable, obstinate, hostile, aggressive, irresponsible, weak, guilt-ridden, resistant to help, passive, irrational, insecure, neurotic, obsessed and lost.
What behavior traits need to be developed in order to accept personal responsibility?
In order to accept personal responsibility you need to develop the ability to:
* Seek out and to accept help for yourself.
* Be open to new ideas or concepts about life and the human condition.
* Refute irrational beliefs and overcome fears.
* Affirm yourself positively.
* Recognize that you are the sole determinant of the choices you make.
* Recognize that you choose your responses to the people, actions and events in your life.
* Let go of anger, fear, blame, mistrust and insecurity.
* Take risks and to become vulnerable to change and growth in your life.
* Take off the masks of behavior characteristics behind which you hide low self-esteem.
* Reorganize your priorities and goals.
* Realize that you are the party in charge of the direction your life takes.
What are the steps in accepting personal responsibility?
Step 1: To decide if you are having problems accepting personal responsibility, answer the following questions in your journal:
a. How frequently do you claim that others have determined what you are today?
b. How easy is it to accept that you are responsible for your choices in life?
c. How easy it is to believe that you determine the direction your life takes?
d. How easy is it to blame others for where you are today?
e. What masks do you hide behind to avoid accepting personal responsibility?
f. How rational are you in dealing with the part you played in being who you are today?
g. How easy is it to accept blame or admit mistakes?
h. How easy is it to accept that you determine your feelings when negative events occur?
i. How easy is it to depend solely on yourself for acceptance, affirmation and approval?
j. How willing are you to be the sole determinant of the health of your self-esteem?
k. How frequently do you feel sorry for yourself?
l. How easy is it to let go of guilt if you stop rescuing those in your life?
m. How willingly do you take preventive steps to ensure your physical and emotional health?
n. How successfully have you practiced self-affirmation in your life?
o. How successfully have you practiced anger work out and letting go in order to get on with your life?
Step 2: Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 5 as to the level of personal responsibility you have accepted in each of the following areas:
1 = always irresponsible
2 = usually irresponsible
3 = irresponsibility balanced out with responsibility (neutral)
4 = usually responsible
5 = always responsible
Rating Area in Life:
___ a. Taking the preventive and maintenance measures to ensure physical health
___ b. Taking the preventive and maintenance measures to ensure emotional health
___ c. Controlling weight and over-eating
___ d. Stopping smoking, excessive drinking and drug abuse
___ e. Controlling excessive gambling, shopping and sexual behavior
___ f. Controlling workaholism
___ g. Taking preventive and maintenance measures to ensure healthy relationships
___ h. Taking the necessary steps to overcome my current problems and troubles
___ i. Taking the necessary steps to protect myself from being victimized by my rescuing and enabling of others
___ j. Managing my time, managing the stress in my life, overcoming my fears and preventing burnout in my life
Score: A rating of 3 or less in any of the areas indicates a need to accept personal responsibility.
Step 3: Identify your beliefs that prevent acceptance of responsibility for yourself. Develop new, rational, replacement beliefs to help you accept responsibility for yourself.
Step 4: You are now ready to develop a plan of action. For each area of your life, identify that tools you will use to accept personal responsibility. The following Tools for Coping tools are available to help you determine your action plan: The Tools for Coping Tool Box.
Handling Irrational Beliefs
* Self-Affirmations
* Handling Guilt
* Building Trust
* Handling Insecurity
* Becoming Vulnerable
* Overcoming Fears
* On Becoming a Risk Taker
* Spirituality
* Time Management
* Stress Reduction
* Preventing Burnout
* Overcoming Perfectionism
Write your plan of action in your journal. Date and sign it. You are now ready to begin accepting personal responsibility.
Step 5: If you still have trouble in accepting responsibility for yourself, return to Step 1 and begin again.
Member Comments
by BillieCricket on March 9, 2009 at 8:11 AM
Excellent article. I think a major part of the problems in the world today are caused by people not accepting responsibility for their actions - their life. "I am today because of what I have thought and done," truth - and I need to work on that as well. Thank you for the article.
Billie A Williams
http://www.billiewilliams.com
by ally00p on March 19, 2009 at 8:33 PM
Thanks so much for this! I have an account but actually found this on google. The variety of questions and choices really help!
by jagoan on March 21, 2009 at 11:49 PM
Very interesting article. Just a little bit of sharing, I feel myself to be a "quite" responsible person because of not only me but also my family and friends around me. I guess there are a lot of people out there that feel frustrated and want to get better, but they can't... simply because of their environment can't support. I believe that other people makes me like this. It's up to you whether you want to say I am stubborn or whatever it is... I don't believe that I can change my life, but people around me can change my life. In conclusion, make a different, if you find someone in a burden, help them! They will find their life change because of you! And believe me, God is fair, He will get you more people to have joy in your life.
by eworksp on August 7, 2009 at 1:59 AM
I agree with most of it, and I agree with what Jagoan says as well. I think that If I own a car, Like I do, an older car that is deemed 'easy to steal', but is in my affordability range of my financial position, due to my form of current employment in a supermarket, which has the public car park for parking our employees cars in, nothing secure there, and I love my car to boot, That I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE for another persons decision to steal it or break into it as it has been at least 6 times. all I see that as is a simple taking advantage of an easy target by a predator. its like if I am walking down the street and some junkie stabs me and steals my wallet, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE for the action of a person afflicted with a drug addiction. BUT... if I am dumb enough to walk down dark streets or through dark parks that I know are trouble spots or a little dangerous then I can say that it is my stupid fault coz I knew possible outcomes. I shouldnt be there. Is that balanced??????
by rjc116 on September 17, 2009 at 12:58 PM
I think the point here is that we aren't responsible for what other people do, or what people might do to us, we are only responsible for how we respond -- how we manage our feelings and our behavior. Good luck with finding a better way to protect your car.
by happy1234 on October 26, 2009 at 9:08 AM
hiiiii
by happy1234 on October 26, 2009 at 9:10 AM
this crap sucks sike it ok :}
by kittywilleatyou on November 9, 2009 at 9:02 AM
you are responsible for the decisions you make not anyone else s decisions.take responsibility for what you've done. don't put that kind of crap on other people its not right and you wont get far in life blaming other people for your own inadequacy.we all need to learn when to take action. we all need something in life to teach us responsibility. the person who taught me all this (and still is teaching me this) is my daddy. now last but not least....
kitty will eat you ciao :3
by kittywilleatyou on November 9, 2009 at 9:12 AM
--noun, plural -ties.
1. the state or fact of being responsible.
2. an instance of being responsible: The responsibility for this mess is yours!
3. a particular burden of obligation upon one who is responsible: the responsibilities of authority.
4. a person or thing for which one is responsible: A child is a responsibility to its parents.
5. reliability or dependability, esp. in meeting debts or payments.
---Idiom
6. on one's own responsibility, on one's own initiative or authority: He changed the order on his own responsibility
These are all ways of defining the word responsibility. But, do people really know what responsibility means? I don't think most people do.
by tammieletitflow on January 5, 2010 at 4:02 PM
Irresponsibility has to do with.....Low-self-esteem, Poor-self-image, willfulness, pride, selfishness, negligence, passiveness, lack of determination, blaming others, denial, reasoning, co-dependency, fear, fear of the unknown, fear of change, selfishness, stubbornness, disobedience, self-will, and rebellion to God's laws. Tammieletitflow15@hotmail.com
by RagsToRich on January 11, 2010 at 6:35 AM
This is an absolutely great article! I also like the style...
But is terribly laid out! :D Just my opinion. Some parts look directly pasted out of a .txt file.
by lovestephane on January 11, 2010 at 9:26 PM
This is a great article. I will use it to create my own personal journal. Regarding taking responsibility and the car or unfortunate events, we still make the decision to go out of the house or drive to work. Yes, it is choice. We can choose to take the bus to work and no one would steal our car, at least not at work... Anyway, life is fair and give us choices, some which are harder that other. Having faith always helps to put things in perspective. GOD bless you all on the path to better life.
by ohmytyisis on January 12, 2010 at 12:10 PM
While I believe in taking personal responsibility and am now doing so after a lifetime of avoiding it, this description is far too rigid and linear.
I agree 100% that a person must believe in the possibility of change in order to work toward it and therefore take responsibility for their own actions to achieve health and change. Yet, many people truly suffer, and may be overwhelmed by grief or pain, or may have few examples of difference to help them see the light.
I have a problem with the section entitled "What do people believe who have not accepted personal responsibility?" Many of these statements hold some truth. In many cases people are affected by events that happened to them, etc. The problem is when we get "stuck" on this. What is defining about the person who takes personal responsibility is that they believe change is possible, and that they can achieve it by their own actions.
To believe that, for instance, a person who has experienced traumas like rape, torture, severe abuse should simply be able to think their way out of the resulting damage is overly simple and worse, counterproductive. In fact, people's suffering must be acknowledged by others and validated as real in order for them to begin to trust others again. Therefore, the kinds of denial of the consequences of suffering listed above would actually be harmful in the efforts of people to take responsibility.
by lovestephane on January 12, 2010 at 7:43 PM
To add to OHMYTYISIS above, I believe that an element of Mercy most always be present in all that we do. Even those who believe that they take responsibility of their lives, they were not born that way and also could improve. Therefore, a more advanced being looking upon them must always exercise Mercy in order not to judge them harshly. We are all on the path to healing and growth.
But that being said, I truly believe in a fair universe. Once you accept your current status, no matter how high or low, the entire universe will regroup to assist you in your growth. And even if painful, it will be rewarding as we realize and enjoy our newly earned freedom. Please note that people from the outside may not always truly appreciate other's growth as no one really knows a person full position on the path of life. So you will know how advanced you are by the amount of Balanced Mercy you can exercise and express.
Regarding other suffering, always help when you can. Part of accepting personal responsibilty has to do with realizing that we are all unique, separate but also ONE body. We will all need some kind of help and sponsorship at point on the path. GOD speed to all.
by canoekit on January 24, 2010 at 10:26 AM
for those who don't agree with all of it- it still exists. you cannot NOT agree. This is an excellent article and in order to actually change anything about yourself, you have to try things you are uncomfortable with which experts suggest. After practicing these, you will start to be able to become more responsible. Change is supposed to hurt. The "car guy" above has really lost the point. Of your car is stolen, you're shit out of luck, life isn't fair and thats it, go get a new one or take transit. But certainly don't spend anymore time talking about it and the people who stole it- you could be doing something much more productive.
by charlesandrews on July 20, 2010 at 6:54 PM
Accepting responsibility is core to our personal growth. There are many subtle forms to divert responsibility, which all seem like blame but go by different names. A very synergistic perspective is posted at thesecretbrain.com (a free information and resource site) - Release Blame and Choose Responsibility.
by charlesandrews on July 20, 2010 at 6:55 PM
Accepting responsibility is core to our personal growth. There are many subtle forms to divert responsibility, which all seem like blame but go by different names. A very synergistic perspective is posted at thesecretbrain.com (a free information and resource site) - Release Blame and Choose Responsibility.