Grief is a natural reaction to loss and is both a universal and personal experience. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, psychiatrist and author, first introduced the five stages of grief in her book "On Death and Dying." The five stages provide a framework for adjusting to life after loss; however, there is no defined sequence and you may not experience every stage as it is described.
Denial
The first stage of the grieving process is denial. This is usually a time when life seems pointless and the events that led up to the loss might not make sense to you. In denial, you try to find a way to get through each hour, taking in only as much pain as you can handle in one day. To cope with denial, accept your feelings as they begin to surface and be prepared for more feelings to arise as your denial fades. Confronting instead of denying how you feel is the first step in the healing process.
Anger
Feeling anger is one way to structure your feelings and move away from the confusion that is often associated with denial. You may be angry with a nurse or doctor you feel could have done more or with someone who seems indifferent to your loss. Do not suppress your anger but do your best to keep it rational. Lashing out at people or seeking revenge will only prolong this painful stage. View anger as an indication of the intense love you felt for something that is now gone forever.
Bargaining
The bargaining stage has two parts--the pleas you make when you sense the impending loss and the promises you make after the loss. For example, you might beg for another chance to make things right or vow to live a better life to prevent a loss from happening. To cope with this stage of grief, do not be consumed by "If only ..." or "What if ..." statements. Instead live in the present and work through your pain instead of trying to negotiate your way out of the hurt. Focus on the good things you did prior to your loss and understand that you probably had little to do with your situation.
Depression
Perhaps the hardest stage of the grieving process is depression. Your grief has a chance to affect you on a deeper level, often with no end in sight. Take time to let the loss fully settle in your soul and do not confuse this stage with clinical depression. Giving yourself time to work through the highs and lows of your pain is one of the necessary steps in the healing process.
Acceptance
The final stage of the grieving process is acceptance. You may never feel "OK," but you must accept the reality that your loss is permanent. Begin to make connections to people who are still in your life and reach out to people who helped you through your loss.
