Recovering from a divorce is a distinctive process not only for each individual, but also for each gender. Divorce can be an agonizing process for men and women because there can be so many casualties in divorce---children, relatives, friends and finances. Initiating your divorce may produce a sense of relief, but you are still susceptible to intense emotions from feelings of loss, sadness, isolation, anger and frustration.
Emotional
Coping with the emotional consequences of divorce can be traumatic and enduring. Family divorce psychologist, Renee A. Cohen, Ph.D., asserts that the grief and stress that men and women encounter in divorce is "second only to the distress suffered from the loss of a loved one through death." Although men and women both experience similar emotions in the marital failure, women have a tendency to emotionally adjust better than men do. The late psychologist and mediation practitioner, Kathleen O'Connell Corcoran suggested that reason for the disparity between men and women's acclimatization is due to several factors. She said that women are twice as likely to initiate divorce because they are more apt to recognize problems in the marriage. In her article, "Psychological and Emotional Aspects of Divorce," she said that women who initiate divorce may feel a sense of relief when the marriage ends and they are more inclined to maintain superior levels of self-esteem and independence after divorce. Men often rely heavily on social support and help from others when their marriage fails. Nevertheless, regardless of which spouse initiates the divorce, men and women are likely to experience a mix of emotional reactions in the chaos ranging from grief, fear, anxiety, guilt and depression to anger and relief.
Financial
Experiencing financial difficulties can add to the existing hardships of the divorce. Not only is divorce expensive, but also usually spouses must maintain a lifestyle on one salary. If you were a stay-at-home parent, finding adequate employment to support your family is an additional burden. Corcoran expands on the financial strains of single-parent families by saying that childcare and the cost of collecting child support can quickly deplete your financial resources. According to George Mason University sociology and law professor and author Lenore Weitzman, women are more likely to face damaging financial consequences and a diminished standard of living than their male counterparts. Her studies found that after a divorce, a woman experiences a 73 percent reduction in standard of living while a man's standard of living is enhanced by 42 percent. It's important to take into account, however, that the results of these studies can fluctuate depending on several contributing factors such as dependents and stable employment.
Social
Adjusting to being newly single can influence men and women differently. Experiencing the loss of a partner can make the adaptation process a lonely one. Men usually remarry more quickly and more often than women do. Corcoran explained that men face more of a loss in areas of intimacy, parental involvement and social interaction and seek to fill that void and replace it with a situation to which they are accustomed. Corcoran suggested that single mothers in the workplace are more likely to be stigmatized than that of their male counterparts who, she said often draw empathy and assistance.
References
- 4Therapy: The Marriage Between Psychology and Divorce
- American Sociological Review. Lenore J. Weitzman, 1996: The Economic Consequences of Divorce Are Still Unequal: Comment on Peterson
- Mediate: Psychological and Emotional Aspects of Divorce
- University of California Riverside Counseling: Recovering From a Breakup
