What images are conjured up in your mind when you hear the word "conflict"? A fight with your spouse? A heated discussion over an issue raised at a board of education meeting? War? Conflict can include any or all of these. However, not all conflict is bad. If you learn how to effectively deal with conflict, you can reap some benefits. Maybe it's time to confront that coworker who is always rude to you.
Identification
Conflict is "a disagreement through which the parties involved perceive a threat to their needs, interests or concerns," according to the Office of Human Resource Development (OHRD) at the University of Wisconsin in Madison. This includes situations with two or more parties of a social group, such as the workplace or family. While most people perceive conflict as negative, the OHRD maintains that "conflict is a normal part of organizational life," and resolution of conflict can provide growth opportunities.
Responses
We respond to conflict in a variety of ways. The most common responses are emotional, cognitive and physical. Emotional responses are " the feelings we experience in conflict, ranging from anger and fear to despair and confusion" according to the OHRD. It is not uncommon for others to misunderstand our feelings. Cognitive responses are the thoughts that occur to us during a confrontation, such as "Man, that guy is really making me mad!" or "That woman is a bully!" Cognitive response is also referred to as self-talk. Physical responses includes increased heartbeat, perspiration, bodily tension and nausea.
Benefits
You can benefit by having a positive confrontation with another person. According to Barbara Pachter, those benefits include "increased self-esteem and lower stress levels." People have described feeling relieved after confronting someone who has been causing conflict in their lives, while others report that they do not feel like they are being taken advantage of any longer. Pachter believes that "positive confrontation can change your life" because you are "telling other people how their behavior is affecting you."
Avoidance
There are multiple reasons why we are afraid to engage in conflict, says Margaret Seidler, organization development consultant and author. One is a fear that others won't like us if we confront them. Another reason is that we're afraid the other person will say something terrible back to us. Sometimes we lack the skills and confidence to confront others, and sometimes we've tried confrontation but it hasn't improved the situation.
Resolution
The OHRD offers several approaches to conflict resolution. One is to become self-aware so that you can easily prepare for the conflict. Another approach is to clarify and assert your needs. Be "clear and specific" with the other person. You should also be flexible in your problem-solving approach by generating several options or resolutions. If you come to an impasse with the other person, be calm, patient and respectful. And finally, create a resolution that will work for you.
References
- Academic Leadership Support: Office of Quality Improvement & Office of Human Resource Development
- "The Power of Positive Confrontation"; Barbara Pachter; 2000
- Conflict Avoidance Hurts Business, Employees; Margaret Seidler
- Academic Leadership Support: Office of Human Resource Development: Conflict Resolution
