LGBTQ Teens and Dating Violence

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer youth tend to have different growing up experiences than straight teens. Unfortunately, those experiences can be much tougher. While teens in general experience more stress just by the very nature of adolescent development, LGBTQ teens face more challenges due to homophobia that still very much exists. Many people believe that there is less abuse in homosexual relationships because the partnership is more "equal." That is a myth; LGBTQ teens have plenty more to deal with than the power of gender.

The Stats
In focus groups conducted by Break the Cycle, an organization dedicated to ending domestic and dating violence, LGBTQ youth reported that dating violence is an "everyday" occurrence for the majority of their peers. As well, current research suggests that up to 50% of people who identify as LGBTQ will experience abuse at the hands of an intimate partner. The reality is, a population of young people likely already struggling with relationships with family and friends, may be turning its suffering on itself.

As is often the case, groups that experience oppression and discrimination can internalize the prejudice, mostly without realizing it. With a fear that there is no one who might understand and therefore no way to deal with it, hurt and anger can be directed outward towards a close partner.

It Can Look Bleak
Teen dating violence comes in many forms. Verbal abuse such as put downs, insults or spreading malicious rumors is one form that is often hard to catch, but can have a devastating effect on self-esteem and feelings of self-worth. Physical abuse can include hitting, biting, scratching, hair pulling or slapping. Sexual abuse is any forced or coerced sexual act to which a teen would say no if he did not fear recrimination. While these types of abuse may be the same as in non-LGBTQ teen relationships, the effects on the teen may be different (and intensified) because of the added layer of internal or external discrimination, isolation, or pressure that she may face daily by the very nature of identifying or being identified by others as LGBTQ.

Some Solutions
While it's a tough topic, teen dating violence in the LGBTQ community can be addressed. Here's what you can do: Recognize the signs---look for changes in attitude and self-esteem; school attendance or performance; mood; and sleeping, eating, and social patterns. Notice how your teen is connecting with her partner. Are the texts or phone calls out of control? Is your teen's partner always checking up on him or not allowing him to spend time with friends and family? Check out any bruises or marks and question explanations that don't add up.

The most important thing you can do to help a young person whom you suspect may be experiencing dating violence is be a nonjudgmental listener. Ask questions, express concern and offer resources. If you feel you don't have the skills or you don't agree with people who care for and love those of the same gender, that's ok. You don't have to be the one for them to turn to---just find someone who can.

Consider finding a therapist or counselor whom you can talk to and to whom you can refer the teen. Or, call a hotline and talk to someone about what you can do to help. For young people who may already feel different and isolated, your concern can make all the difference.