What to Know About Teens and Dating Violence

As tough as the topic is to broach, teen dating violence (TDV) is a reality that must be addressed. Recent studies from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention show that nearly 1.5 million high school students throughout the US have experienced physical abuse in a dating relationship. Other such studies show that much like domestic violence (which focuses on adult spousal relationships), one in three teens have hurt by someone they've dated.

Teens face different barriers than adults when it comes to dating violence, as they may not have access to finances, transportation or safe space. Teens may be fearful about confidentiality around the topic or what might happen if a parent finds out or child protective services are contacted. As abuse becomes openly discussed, it's important to understand what TDV is and what you can do about it.

What It Is
Teen dating violence is generally categorized into three main areas: physical, sexual, and verbal or emotional. Physical abuse includes hits, slaps, biting, pulling hair, throwing things or beatings; sexual abuse includes any forced sexual acts (whether or not they have been engaged in previously); verbal/emotional abuse includes threats, insults or control tactics such as threatening self-harm or other injury. None of these are pretty; in fact, they can be stomach churning. While incidents can range from less harmful to more damaging, any experience of dating violence, no matter how seemingly minor, can have a major impact on both the perpetrator and the victim/survivor.

What It Looks Like
An abusive partner is often possessive and jealous, keeping close tabs on his partner either by not leaving her alone, or calling or texting constantly. The abusive partner may discourage the other person from seeing friends or family or engaging in extra-curricular activities. The person being victimized in the relationship may be coerced into sexual activities. Put-downs, insults and spreading rumors to demean the partner may also be part of the abuse.

What the Person Experiencing the Abuse Might Be Feeling
Often teens who are experiencing abuse feel a mixture of feelings. Shame, anger, fear, sadness and confusion may accompany abuse. The person may feel guilty, as though it's his fault he's being abused. As a result of the abuse and the feelings around it, two-thirds of teens experiencing abuse tell no one about it.

Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship
A person experiencing dating violence may show some or all of the following signs: isolation; giving up activities that once were sources of happiness or fulfillment; weight gain or loss; falling grades or increased truancy; bruises or cuts with little or no explanation, or stories that don't make sense; decreased self-esteem; increased substance use.

What You Can Do to Help
The best thing you can do as a friend or family member is bring up your concern. Be available to talk or just listen. Help think through a safety plan. Become familiar with youth friendly hotlines and resources in your area. For more information on types of abuse, check out www.loveisrespect.org or www.breakthecycle.org or consider calling the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 866.331.9474 or National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE.