When parents choose to separate, they must decide who will retain custody of any children they have in common. Historically, sole custody has been given most often to a child's mother, with fathers having only visitation rights. Because of a modern understanding of the importance of a healthy relationship between a child and both of his parents, shared custody is becoming more and more prevalent.
Shared Custody Basics
Nolo describes physical custody as the right of a parent to have a child live in her home. This is different from legal custody, which refers to who has the legal right to make major decisions about a child's upbringing. Shared legal custody means that parents make major decisions together. Shared physical custody means that a child spends significant amounts of time with each of his parents.
Arrangements
You and your ex-spouse can make any shared physical custody arrangement you wish, although a judge will make the final decision as to whether the arrangement is reasonable. Typically, parents trade off weekdays, weekends and holidays, but some parents trade off weeks, months, or even years. In a relatively new form of shared custody, called "bird's nest" custody, children stay in a single home, and parents take turns residing there.
Benefits
According to an article by By Roz Zinner, LCSW-C of Divorce and Family Mediation Services, there are a number of ways that shared custody may benefit your child. She will have access to the unique wisdom, guidance and parenting style of each of her parents. The rejection and grief that a child often suffers when one parent moves out permanently will be mitigated by continuous availability. She will have role models of both sexes, and she will not have to divide her loyalties or fear the loss of a parent.
Drawbacks
Zinner goes on to list a variety of factors that can make shared custody problematic. Being shuffled from house to house can diminish your child's sense of stability and permanency. Sharing the responsibility of homework help, doctor's visits and transportation between two different households can be complicated. Unless you have excellent communication with your ex-spouse, some of your child's needs may end up falling through the cracks. In addition, maintaining two separate households may be financially draining for both you and your ex-spouse, leaving fewer resources for your child. Shared custody can be emotionally destructive for your child if you have an acrimonious relationship with your ex-spouse, or if one of you consistently undermines or disparages the other.
Considerations
When parents maintain a peaceable, business-like relationship with each other, live near each other and center their arrangements around the needs of their child, shared custody can work well. Having a mediator help you through custody arrangements can start you and your ex-spouse off with a foundation of good will. It can also defray the costs of litigation. Even if you and your ex-spouse come to a custody agreement yourselves, it's best to put it in writing and have it signed by a judge. This will entitle you legal support in case of disagreements, complications or misunderstandings.
