Grieving is one of the most difficult human experiences. It is nevertheless a natural human response to an overwhelming loss. If you have recently experienced such a loss--or anticipate experiencing such a loss--you can expect to experience dramatic but temporary personality changes. These changes typically proceed through five stages, but there may be repetition or delays in stages.
Shock and Numbness
Immediately after a devastating loss, you may expect to feel shock and numbness. This is your mind's way of denying the reality of the loss until it is ready to handle it. This is a healthy response because it allows you to avoid being crushed by the full weight of your loss. You may feel emotionally flat and unable to respond normally to any emotional stimuli.
Anger
Anger is far easier to manage than sorrow or depression, which is why your mind is likely to choose to respond with anger as soon as your shock and numbness begin to subside. You may feel an unfocused sense of anger at life in general, but you are more likely to assign blame to your loss to make sense of it. You may blame yourself, your loved ones, a stranger that was involved in the loss in some way, or even God.
Guilt and Recriminations
Once you have worked your way through anger, you will begin to approach the real pain of your loss. You will sense this coming and may attempt to "bargain your way out of it." If you are religious, you may ask God to spare you from suffering or to spare the life of a terminally ill loved one. You may seek to avoid the coming pain by committing yourself to doing good deeds so that you will no longer "deserve" it. In any case, you are likely to experience a sense of guilt, regardless of whether or not it is justified.
Depression
The depression stage is when the full weight of your loss hits you. If you mind is fundamentally healthy, it will not allow this to happen until you are ready for it. If you go through this stage, you will feel a sense of hopelessness and profound emptiness, which is a natural response to a loss of major proportions. As in the first stage, you will feel emotionally flat, but not numb--depression is emotionally painful.
Recovery
A healthy mind will eventually come to accept the permanence and full magnitude of the loss. When this occurs, your mood will return to roughly the level it was before your loss, although an abiding sense of emptiness will remain. Be careful not to fall into the trap of interpreting happy feelings as a betrayal of the memory of your loved one.
