According to HealthyChildren, teenagers seem to feel grief more intensely than adults. This is especially true if a parent dies. According to the Children's Grief Education Association, well over 5.4 million children and teenagers in the United States have a parent, sibling, friend, or a relative die. While grief is the normal response to loss, the grieving process can leave the teen feeling alone and isolated. There are many reactions and feelings that accompany the grief process, and none of them are "right" or "wrong." Grieving is an individual process that does not follow a specific time-line or process.
Physical Reactions
The Children's Grief Education Association lists the following as possible physical reactions that a teenager may experience when going through the grief process: sweating, nausea, racing heart, tightness in chest, vomiting, no energy, stomachaches, headaches, and bedwetting. The teen may have a decreased appetite, as well as changes in sleeping behavior--sleeping more or less than he used to.
Emotional Reactions
According to the Child Grief Education Association, a teen can experience a wide range of emotional responses such as, sadness, anger, irritability, guilt, loneliness, turmoil, relief, numbness, helplessness, or feeling abandoned. These feelings can come and go in any order. The teen may feel some of them or all of them during her grief process. Whatever she is feeling, it is important to validate the emotion and empathize with the teenager.
Significance
It is important for your teen to allow himself to go through the grieving process. The difficulty experienced by parents in watching their teens grieve is acknowledged by KidsHealth. While you can't protect the teen from grief, you can help him to learn to cope with distressing situations. This is beneficial as it provides him with emotional resources he can utilize throughout the rest of his life.
According to HealthyChildren, when a teen avoids the grief, he postpones moving on with his life. Months or years may pass before the teen is able or willing to fully take in the impact of the loss.
How You Can Help
The Children's Grief Education Association provides guidance on how best to support a grieving teenager. Communication is a key issue in supporting the teenager. If the loss is associated with death, allow her to choose her level of participation in services. It is important to answer questions honestly, be available to listen, and allow and encourage her to express her feelings. A teenager may express her feelings through means other than talking, such as music or writing, or some other outlet. This is fine. Openness about your own grief process is also helpful.
Patience is another way you can support the grieving teen. Accepting her mood swings and going easy on regressive behavior can be comforting to the teen. A decline in grades is normal during grief. The process is draining mentally and can cause decreased concentration and memory.
Warning
According to KidsHealth, you should seek help if you notice extreme changes in a child's behavior. This could look like grades going from straight A's to failing, use of illegal substances, refusal to attend school, talk of self-harm, or an otherwise happy child prior to the loss who now expresses a great deal of negative emotions, or becomes angry and withdrawn.
To find help, consider talking to the teen's doctor, school counselor, or contacting a local mental health agency. You may also consider checking out books at a library, searching the internet, and seeking peer support groups for the teen.
