Coming to an agreement about custody can be one of the hardest parts of a separation. Parents need to understand their custodial rights and responsibilities. They also need to set aside their differences to work out a custody arrangement that will best benefit their child.
Parental Rights
All things being equal--that is to say, if both you and your ex-partner are equally stable financially and emotionally, and both of you have spent equal amounts of time as caretaker of your child--you have equal rights to petition for custody, and equal chances of obtaining it. The only universal custody mandate in the U.S. is that judges make decisions based on the best interests of the child.
Custody Types
Physical custody refers to where your child lives most of the time, according to FindLaw. Sole, or primary physical custody means that your child spends most of his time with one of you, and the other has visitation. Joint, or shared physical custody, means that you both spend large amounts of time with your child.
Legal custody refers to who has the legal right to make important decisions about how to raise your child, such as where he will go to school, whom he spends his time with, what religion he practices and which doctor he sees. Sole legal custody means that one parent can make these decisions unilaterally, and joint legal custody means that you and your ex-partner share the decision-making.
Agreements
Parents often work custody arrangements out for themselves, based on what works for their family. If you are having difficulty coming to an agreement you and your ex-partner can both live with, consider mediation. NOLO defines a mediator as an unbiased third party who will sit down with your family and help you make custody decisions in a civil and productive way. Mediation is far cheaper than litigation, and parents who undergo mediation have fewer problems and a more successful relationship than those who don't.
If mediation fails, a judge will set up a custody arrangement based on what she thinks is reasonable, fair and in the best interest of the child. This arrangement can be made over the protest of one or both parents, and is legally binding.
Arrangement Types
A shared custody agreement can be arranged in several ways. Many parents trade off certain weekdays, weekends and holidays. Some trade entire weeks, months, or even years. A type of custody called "bird's nest" custody--where children live in the marital home and parents take turns living there with them--has gained popularity.
Considerations
As you and your ex-partner move on with your lives, your situations and feelings are bound to change. If at any point you feel that your current custody arrangement is no longer working for you, you have the right to petition the court to change it. Before you do so, make sure that your request is reasonable, and made in the spirit of cooperation and goodwill. If you and your ex-partner make any changes outside of the court, make sure you put them in writing and submit them to the court to avoid any future disagreements or legal problems.
