Domestic violence can be dangerous and even fatal, and both men and women can be victims. An abusing spouse can seriously injure or kill the other person in the heat of anger. Those who seek help are often advised to leave and file for divorce. This may be appropriate in many cases, but some couples with domestic violence issues can benefit from marriage counseling.
Definition
Domestic violence is most commonly associated with physical abuse, but the National Domestic Violence Hotline explains it can be both mental and physical. It includes acts such as hitting, grabbing, pushing, shoving, choking, slapping and punching. It also includes violence against pets or destruction of household items. It also includes verbal attacks, threats and isolating a person from her friends and extended family.
Acknowledgment
A study of three couples by researcher Jodi Allen of Nova Southeastern University discovered acknowledgment of the problem is a critical factor for successful domestic violence counseling. Many abusers are reluctant to admit they have a problem and victims often downplay the situation, but the Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence states they must take full responsibility for their actions before they can change. The couples in the study cited the important of recognizing there were serious relationship problems. This step allowed them to focus their energy on resolving the issues.
Changes
Couples in marriages marred by domestic violence are often locked into a destructive pattern. Many grew up in homes with similar behavior so they do not learn healthy ways to cope with anger or interact with a spouse. Some are abused as children and grow to believe they deserve to be treated badly. Marriage counseling challenges those beliefs and teaches the couple new ways to interact with each other. They learn to work as a team instead of having an imbalance of power.
Considerations
The couples in the Nova Southeastern University study stated that marital counseling was more beneficial than individual sessions. They found value in having a counselor act as a neutral sounding board as they discussed and worked things out together. Counseling provides a safe environment in which to practice new communication and interaction skills.
Some individuals may benefit from individual sessions while also going through marriage counseling. For example, the abuser might need counseling for anger management while the victim might benefit from self esteem-building work.
Evaluation
The Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence cites several signs that show marriage counseling is working. These include the batterer admitting violent behavior is inappropriate, a complete stop to all violence, improved communication and freedom for both partners to express their feelings openly and positively.
Warning
Safety is the most important factor in any domestic violence situation. Those who feel they are still in danger despite attending marriage counseling should leave the abuser. They can find local help through the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799'7233 or through the police.
