Communication seems simple, but it can actually be a challenge to make sure you are fully understood and that you correctly absorb the other person's words. Patricia Tanner Nelson, Ed.D., a family and human development specialist with the University of Delaware, explains that the challenge increases when you add more people to the mix. Families are usually made up of parents and children, and some include extended family members. Each person must be willing to use effective communication skills.
Definition
At its most basic, communication means sending and receiving messages. This usually happens verbally, but body language and movement also play a role. Tanner Nelson says that the exchange of a message is only part of the process. The receiver must interpret it in the exact way intended by the sender in order for the process to be effective.
Effects
Effective communication has many positive effects on a family unit. Each person feels fully heard and understood. This makes it easier to resolve problems or make decisions, because no time is wasted on misunderstandings. Tanner Nelson says good communication fosters caring and trust. It prevents negative feelings, like anger and frustration.
Barriers
Many families run into communication barriers, Tanner Nelson warns. Both the adults and children might concentrate on what they plan to say rather than listening when a spouse, parent, child or sibling is speaking. Family members who spend a lot of time together may also think they know what others are going to say. This affects their interpretation. Sometimes one person in a couple believes her partner should automatically know what she wants, so she resents having to say it. These barriers keep messages from being properly relayed and received. Instead of achieving a goal, conversations get bogged down by resentment and other negative feelings.
Techniques
Tanner Nelson recommends several techniques for effective family communication. She suggests using active listening, which means every family member gets a chance to speak uninterrupted. The others share their interpretation so the speaker can correct it if necessary. Each person gets a turn at speaking in this safe environment, including the children. Conversations should have a specific goal, and everyone should focus on it rather than bringing in other topics and grievances. Family members should respect each other, even when they do not agree. Dr. Meir Wikler, a Brooklyn psychologist, says family members should be specific about their needs and refrain from verbal attacks.
Time Frame
Tanner Nelson advises teaching children effective communication skills from the time they start to talk. She says they learn from what they see, so adults in the family should model proper communication. They should also encourage children to honestly share their feelings and to listen attentively to others. This will help family relationships and also benefit them when they go to school and start interacting with peers and others outside the home. The skills will be ingrained by the time they reach adulthood and start their own families.
