Spousal abuse is a widespread problem. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), 85 percent of domestic violence victims are women and approximately 25 percent of all women will experience domestic violence at some point. The NCADV also reports that more than 800,000 men are victims of spousal abuse each year, though this is probably a conservative figure due to the perceived stigma attached to reporting this type of abuse.
Types of Abuse
Physical abuse, or domestic violence, is a widely recognized form of spousal abuse that involves hitting, kicking, pinching or otherwise causing physical pain or harm to a spouse. Sexual abuse is a type of physical abuse in which the victim is forced into unwanted sex acts or sexual situations.
Verbal abuse includes yelling, cursing and threatening, as well as belittling or embarrassing the spouse in front of others. It often accompanies physical or psychological abuse.
Psychological or emotional abuse involves controlling the spouse through fear and mental torment. The abuser often implicitly or explicitly threatens the victim's personal safety, children, pets or other loved ones. Other characteristics of psychological abuse include withholding financial resources and isolating the victim from a support network of friends and family. For example, the abuser may refuse to let the victim socialize or work outside the home.
Warning Signs
People often overlook the warning signs of their spouse's abusive behavior. Abusive episodes may happen rarely at first. However, the Helpguide organization states that abuse is cyclical. After a violent outburst, the abuser is often contrite, promising never to repeat the behavior. The abuser may even compensate for the attack by showering the spouse with gifts or affection.
Signs of an abuser or potential abuser include constant criticism, blame shifting, an unpredictable temper, jealous or possessive behavior, and a need to always be in control of you. If you frequently feel fearful and anxious, censor yourself to avoid your spouse's temper or feel that your spouse has damaged your self-esteem, you may be in an abusive relationship.
Escalation
Abuse often escalates over time and becomes more frequent. Once the abuser gets away with the first episode with little to no consequence, there is a significant chance that the abuse will continue. The American Bar Association (ABA) reports that more than 40 percent of first-time abusers will attack again, many within six months of the initial attack. A study by the National Criminal Justice Reference Service found that more than half of spousal abuse suspects studied continued to subject their partners to severe violence.
Risk
Staying in an abusive relationship poses enormous risk to the victim. The ABA states that more than half of all abused women are diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder. Mental health problems resulting from abuse include depression, anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder and suicidal tendencies. Abusive relationships can be fatal, as well. The ABA found that a third of all female murder victims are killed by an intimate partner.
Effects on Children
There is no doubt that witnessing domestic violence has a negative effect on children. The ABA reports that children who witness spousal abuse often suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder and are more likely to have behavioral problems. The effects of witnessing abuse continue long into adulthood. The NCADV states, "Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults." Figures vary, but the NCADV estimates that up to 60 percent of spousal abusers also abuse their children.
Member Comments
BtBGlobal March 22
Again, abusive partners will always tell you lies about their past. They are afraid of what they have become and will hide all the bad parts with gifts and love letters. They are over the top when it comes to being romantic, why, because they have learned that is the only way they can get someone. I personally have had the healthiest relationships with the men who are shy and humble. Abusive men come with a big show of confidence. If they bad talk their exes, chances are they are hiding their true colors. They will make you believe that they were cheated on, that their exes were mean to them and that their exes were abusive. They blameshift everything they are guilty of doing.