You need to know what to look for and how to help your husband grieve his mother's loss. You have probably been watching as he expresses sadness, helplessness and anger and you're not sure what to say or do to help him. He does need you, especially right now. You should also keep an eye on him to make sure his grief doesn't become something deeper and more serious.
Significance
Your husband is grieving the loss of his mother, not only emotionally, but physically and spiritually as well. He needs to face his sadness and other feelings such as anger, resentment, depression or relief, even if he believes those feelings are wrong. These are mental reactions and he may be showing signs such as physical, mental, emotional or social reactions, according to the Charming Health website.
Your husband needs to grieve the loss of his mother in his own way. If your husband is experiencing a particular grief reaction, such as depression or anger, it is not wrong, no matter what others say. You may witness some extreme behaviors or emotions. Try to be there for him. You don't have to say anything, just sit next to him and hold his hand if this is what he wants. Your quiet presence can be comforting, according to the Help Guide website.
Features
Your husband may grieve for what seems like a long time. This will be normal for him, depending on his relationship with her.
You won't be able to predict what he is going to do, say or how he will feel on any given day. Grief is unpredictable. One day, he will seem to be fine and the next, he will struggle with his feelings. He'll experience setbacks at times, seeming to regress to a point where he was days or weeks ago, according to the Help Guide website.
Identification
Look for different phases to your husband's grief. He'll experience numbness and shock. He could have difficulty accepting the reality of her death and he may express confusion. He may also become hysterical.
He could experience melancholy and search for ways to bring his mother back. His inability to do so will make him angry and frustrated. He may express rage and anger. He is repressing the reality of his mother's death and this is expressed in body pain, headaches, stomach pain, high blood pressure or depression.
Your husband may feel inadequate and hopeless since he was not able to prevent his mother from dying. He could develop difficulty focusing. Crying will help to release his depression. Encourage him to cry when he needs to do so, according to the Charming Health website.
Considerations
Accept your husband's feelings. You may have to absorb some of his grief and anger. Allow him to cry in front of you. Let him grieve in the way he needs to grieve.
Let him talk about how his mother died. If she died after a long illness, he may need to release feelings of helplessness at not being able to help her get better. This is his way of accepting and processing the reality of her death.
Don't tell him to get over his feelings or that you know how he feels. His feelings are his own. If you've experienced the death of someone you love, ask if he wants you to share what you experienced, according to the Help Guide website.
Warning
Watch your husband's reactions to his mother's death. If he is beginning to have difficulty focusing on daily living, if he expresses extreme bitterness or guilt about his mother or her death, if he begins relying heavily on alcohol or drugs, neglects personal hygiene, becomes unable to enjoy activities he used to enjoy, experiences hallucinations, noticeably withdraws from others, expresses feelings of hopelessness or begins to express thoughts of suicide, urge him to seek professional help.
If his grief doesn't begin to resolve or if it becomes worse, your husband could be suffering from clinical depression, according to the Help Guide website. He needs to be examined and evaluated by a licensed professional for a valid, accurate diagnosis.
