Conflict Between Adults

Many people dislike conflict. But it's a fact of life, whether it concerns something as simple as what to have for dinner or something more serious that can actually threaten the existence of a relationship. In fact, conflict occurs at just about every level of interaction with other people---among friends, family, intimates and so on. The way we handle conflict decides whether or not our relationships are strengthened or weakened.

Types

According to the website Minti, fact-based conflict occurs when people dispute a set of facts. Value conflict happens when there are disagreements over people's beliefs, morals, values or a person's view of what's right and wrong. Policy conflict typically occurs in relationships, according to the website Conflict Resolution Info, when there is a disagreement about an appropriate course of action. Ego conflict happens when everyone involved wants to "win" an argument.

Function

Even the word conflict carries a generally negative connotation, and it's safe to say that many people will try to avoid conflict whenever possible. However, sometimes conflict actually has a purpose and can even be beneficial. The key, according to the website Interpersonal Communication, is the way in which we handle conflict, and the way in which we handle conflict will determine whether or not a disagreement turns destructive or productive.
They cite a study in which couples that fought in destructive ways---ignoring the other's opinions and feelings, blaming, getting angry, using power over the other person---were usually unhappy couples. Satisfied couples "viewed disagreements as healthy and recognized the conflicts they faced," used effective communication styles and followed the rules for fair fighting.

Conflict Categories

Conflict will likely occur in just about every arena of a person's life; each has its own unique set of characteristics and interpersonal dynamics. For example, an organizational (or workplace) conflict will differ from a family conflict. There are also intergroup conflicts and intra-group conflicts, and all of these categories of conflict have sub-categories. For instance, family conflict can consist of conflict between husband-wife, child-parent, extended family and so on.

Conflict Resolution

There are many methods to resolve conflict. Their success depends on a variety of factors, including the people involved and their personalities as well as their personal attachment to the issue, just to name two. The different resolution strategies beget specific outcomes. For example, collaborating and/or compromising are both based on a "you win, I win" mentality. Other strategies include accommodating, or "I lose, you win" competing; or I win, you lose;" and avoidance, or "no winners, no losers."

Fair Fighting

There are also rules that can help people disagree in a more healthy manner if they choose to follow them. They're normally referred to as the "rules for fair fighting." Many variations exist, but the goal is the same. These rules are meant to ensure that everyone's feelings and viewpoints are respected and protected during conflict. Examples of fair fighting rules include remaining calm, dealing with one issue at a time, avoiding insults and setting a time limit to resolve a conflict. For example, if an issue can't be resolved in one hour, leave it be for a while and continue the discussion later.