Even the happiest couples occasionally disagree, but the ability to communicate effectively is the key that will prevent small issues from escalating into major problems. Effective two-way communication with a partner doesn't always come naturally, but requires patience, practice and commitment. Although improving communication requires hard work, the payoff is a happier, more satisfying relationship.
Listening
Talk less and listen more. Developing good listening skills is one of the primary tools that you can use to improve communication with your partner. Encourage your partner to talk freely about what she finds important, then listen with an open mind. Give your partner your full attention. Don't judge what she is saying and don't spend the time thinking about your response.
"I" Messages
The ability to incorporate "I" messages into your communication is a valuable tool that will allow each partner to express feelings in a clear, non-threatening, non-judgmental manner. For example, say "I am angry" rather than, "You make me angry." Avoid "you" messages, which place the blame squarely on your partner, triggering anger and defensiveness and escalating conflict. Avoid absolute words that block communication, such as "you always" and "you never."
Relieve Stress
Using tools and techniques to alleviate stress will help to prevent you from taking your frustrations out on your partner, and will help you to be less reactive. Physical activity is a good stress reliever. Take a walk or visit the gym. Write down your feelings in a journal. Clear your thoughts.
Initiate Conversations
Initiate conversations with your partner and don't always wait for him to make the first move. Learning to speak up first will show that you care about what your partner has to say. Remember that every conversation doesn't have to be a conflict. Ask him about his day. Talk about things that are important to him. Ask questions that express honest interest. If something is bothering you, speak up and don't expect your partner to read your mind.
Make Time
Make time to use your communication tools every day, as learning new skills requires practice, time and patience. Choose a time when you won't be interrupted. Turn off the TV. Enjoy quiet times. Share experiences and thoughts. Find moments to talk, such as when you're washing the dishes or driving in the car. Try to set aside at least 30 minutes every day.
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