Personal and professional conflict is something everyone deals with. Anger is a normal and expected human emotion often associated with conflict. This primal feeling is a survival reaction when freedoms are challenged or the threat of wrong-doing is inevitable. Managing anger is best achieved through assertive expression and help is available when anger becomes uncontrolled rage.
Conflict
Conflict in personal and professional relationships just seems to be a fact of life. You have probably witnessed situations where two people with different personalities develop animosity between each other and create conflict. According to the University of Wisconsin, conflict is defined as a disagreement in which the two parties perceive a threat to their needs, concerns or interests.
However, when handled effectively, conflict can lead to a positive outcome of collaboration that results in personal and professional growth. Though, when handled poorly, people tend to develop adverse behavioral coping mechanisms and poor emotional, cognitive and physical responses.
Hurt Versus Anger
Feeling hurt or irritated is a normal reaction to someone or something you are in conflict with, but this does not equate to the emotion of anger. According to Guide to Psychology, anger is the desire to 'get even with' or take revenge on the cause of the hurt. For example, if you are in conflict with a co-worker that received a promotion you wanted, your initial response would be to feel hurt. By just feeling the hurt, you can choose to turn it into an opportunity for improving weaknesses that kept you from winning the promotion. Anger, however, occurs when a person chooses actions to undermine or cause harm to the co-worker that got the promotion.
Primacy of Anger
Anger is considered by psychologists as a common and normal human emotion. According to Psychology Today, anger is an assertion of your individual basic right to fight for what is right and defend yourself against indignation. Anger is used to defend yourself or your loved ones from a perceived physical, spiritual, existential or emotional threat.
It is also used as a behavioral crutch for emotions such as fear, shame, love and anxiety. The world is filled with examples of aggression, hatred, war and violence, and yet modern society goes to great lengths to suppress these emotions. Untreated anger turns into an escalating time-bomb of uncontrolled rage.
Managing Anger
The natural way to express anger is to lash out at the person or thing that caused the emotion. Social norms, laws and common sense, however, dictate a more controlled response even during conflict. According the American Psychological Association, the three main adaptive approaches are expressing, suppressing and calming. Expressing your anger means making clear what your needs are and how to get them met without hurting others. While this a healthy way of expressing anger, it is important to be assertive while avoiding being aggressive.
Suppressing anger means you hold it in and think about more positive things. This type of approach is dangerous, because refocusing anger inward can lead to damaging emotional, physical and behavioral changes. Calming is an approach similar to suppressing anger, with the addition of controlling your inner responses (such as heart and breathing rates) to the anger.
Getting Help
Help for controlling anger can be found through resources in your community. Local support groups are groups of people with common problems that meet regularly to discuss experiences and support each other to change their behavior. Check with the specific support group to see if they are led by a licensed counselor or group leader.
Faith leaders can help you get a perspective on the situation and reflect on what is causing the anger. Talk therapy is a licensed counselor-led talk session that helps you explore your anger and identify why it has become a problem. It also provides avenues to change behavior or normal responses to anger. Anger management courses are much like support groups that are led by licensed counselors. Time expectations to work with each resource depends on the individual and/or group to effectively work through the issues.
