Conflict is a fact of life and occurs at all levels of your life. In personal relationships, conflict can provide a healthy way to develop intimacy, trust and respect. Your perceptions filter certain issues that may or may not become the cause of the conflict. It is important to remove your emotions when trying to resolve the conflict, and actively listen to the other person. Together you can reach a solution that works.
Definition
Interpersonal conflict is a normal and expected part of relationships. According to Interpersonal Communication, interpersonal conflict is an expressed struggle between interdependent parties who perceive incompatibilities, scarce resources and interference from the opposing party. Two people cannot be expected to agree on everything all the time; there may be a perception of conflict and the perception that there are incompatibilities. The term "expressed" means that the issues have been communicated.
Negative Behaviors
According to the University of Wisconsin, conflict is best understood by examining the behavior styles people use to meet their needs. Competing is a style in which you try to gain control over a situation by relying on aggressive communication and coercive power, with little regard for building relationships. Accommodating is a style in which you yield to the other person's needs in an attempt to be diplomatic and preserve the relationship. Avoiding is a style that is common when you have a negative view of conflict. You may think that the issue will blow over if it is avoided long enough. The conflict, however, continues to grow until it ruins the relationship.
Positive Behaviors
Compromising is a style in which you gain and give in a series of trade-offs to reach a satisfactory compromise. This style has limitations, however, because everyone involved is still limited to their own perceptions, and this fails to build trust or risk-taking actions. Collaborating is a style in which you bring together individual needs toward a common goal. Producing a win-win situation, collaborating requires communication from everyone. It builds synergy in unrecognized possibilities and true resolution to the conflict.
Factors in Perception
Since conflict involves the perception of incompatibilities and interference, your individual values, beliefs and upbringing may distort what is happening. Your culture, race or ethnicity may influence your needs in a relationship and have bearing on any conflict. Your gender and sexuality influence your perception of a conflict, specifically with different mindsets about desired outcomes. Your general and situational knowledge, along with previous experiences, influence conflict. For example, during an argument your significant other decides to go for a short drive. Your past experience can dictate whether you perceive that act of leaving as an act of defiance and unwillingness to communicate or an act of calming so that a resolution can be found under less tense circumstances.
Dealing with Conflict
Resolving conflict takes profound courage in situations that people would rather avoid. According to DRB Alternatives, whether a relationship is healthy or unhealthy, if conflict is handled well it can lead to closeness, a deeper understanding and mutual respect. If you experience a difficult conflict, stay calm and in control of your emotions. Outbursts only have the potential to hurt the other person and escalate the situation. Once calm, engage in active communication by listening to what the other person has to say, and provide feedback to acknowledge your understanding. Pay attention to the emotions of the other person and be respectful of differences. Then, openly discuss alternatives that you both agree on.
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