Positive thinking is a way of seizing control of your own thinking patterns in order to make your mind work for you instead of against you. It is primarily designed to teach people to think more realistically and constructively, rather than to encourage unjustified optimism. In addition to improving your psychological well-being and physical health, positive thinking can help you to navigate the often turbulent waters of intimate relationships.
Origin
The concept of "positive thinking" was originally popularized by Christian pastor Norman Vincent Peale in his 1952 book, "The Power of Positive Thinking." Since then, the term has come to be associated with a certain type of psychology featuring treatments such as cognitive-behavioral therapy and positive psychology.
Method
The first step in using positive thinking to revitalize your relationship is to focus on revitalizing yourself. Consciously monitor your own thoughts until you learn to identify various kinds of self-defeating thinking patterns, such as polarizing, filtering, and personalizing. These types of thinking patterns lead you to focus only on the negative aspects of a situation, blame yourself for the situation and seek an all-or-nothing solution to a situation, according the Mayo Clinic. By identifying them, you can compose more productive thinking patterns to replace them. Think of your mind as a garden--you must constantly pluck the weeds and plant good seeds in order for it to thrive.
Idealizing Your Partner
Once you have gotten your own mental house in order, apply positive thinking to your relationship with your significant other. Although realistic thinking is generally the best approach to positive thinking, there are exceptions. The act of idealizing your partner--deliberately choosing to see her in an unrealistically positive light--has been shown to be effective in improving relationships, according to psychologist Sandra Murray of the University at Buffalo. At the very least, you should try to think more positively of her than she thinks of herself, especially if she has low self-esteem.
Meditation
Barbara Fredrickson, psychologist at the University of North Carolina, advises couples to perform "loving-kindness meditation" by practicing concentrating on warm and tender feelings toward their partners. This will not only improve your relationship with your partner directly, but it will make you a happier person, says Fredrickson.
Attention to Detail
Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer advises people to constantly make a conscious effort to look for details about your partner that have changed recently, even something as small as a new brand of hair conditioner. This will help keep you focused on your partner and increase your enthusiasm for the relationship.
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