Grieving the loss of a spouse, whether it is a sudden death or one that comes at the end of a long illness, takes time. There are five stages of grief, including denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance in the grief cycle developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in "On Death and Dying," published in 1969. Grief is a process with many twists, turns, ups and downs on the way to acceptance; a roller coaster rather than a straight highway. No one can tell you how long that roller coaster ride will last, but eventually, life will go on.
Denial
Denial, shock and isolation are typical in the first phase of grief. While the grieving process is typically divided into five stages, in some cases the initial shock and denial phases of grief are separated into different stages. This stage of grief may occur before death, as the time of a terminal diagnosis or during the course of an illness. You may not accept news of the death and may not want to communicate with those around you, or even be aware of your surroundings. For some people, this stage of grief is quite brief, while it may go on for others. Both reactions are normal when you lose a spouse.
Anger
As the news of loss sinks in, anger and guilt are common. You may find yourself angry at doctors, someone responsible for an accidental death, God, or yourself. You might even be angry at your spouse. Your anger may not be logical and you may experience anger or guilt even if there is nothing that could have been done for your partner. MemorialHospital.org notes that feeling angry or even furious over your pain and loss is a normal part of the grieving process.
Bargaining
As you grieve, you may find yourself looking for something to take away the pain. While you understand that nothing can bring back the person you've lost, attempting to make a deal with God or the universe to ease your pain is a normal part of the grieving process, according to HelpGuide.org. While you may seek a way out, there isn't one, and only time will allow you to recover from the loss of your spouse.
Depression
Depression sets in with the reality of loss. Symptoms of depression may include sadness, pain, sleep irregularities, and isolation, according to ChangingMinds.org. Counseling, grief therapy, and support groups may all help during this phase of grief. Allow friends and family to help and encourage you to remain active in the world. Take care of your physical health and maintain normal sleep, work and eating routines.
Acceptance
Acceptance is the last stage in the grief process, and is sometimes split into the testing and acceptance stages. During the testing phase, you may try new activities, consider a job change or move, and otherwise look toward moving onward from depression to a new life, according to ChangingMinds.org. Once you have accepted your loss and created a life without your partner, the worst is over. You will be forever changed by your experience of loss, but are once again able to enjoy life and look forward to a bright future.
