While occasional difficult, moody or defiant behavior is part of raising a child, some children demonstrate a pattern of hostile, defiant behavior directed towards parents and other authority figures. Dealing with normal childhood discipline can strain a parent’s patience—and raising a defiant child can be even more difficult. MayoClinic.com states that harsh, inconsistent discipline can often increase the incidence of hostile and defiant behaviors, so it is important to keep your cool and react to challenging behaviors in a consistent, predictable way.
Set Firm and Consistent Rules and Limits
Rules and limits allow children to know what to expect—this is especially important for defiant children, who might react to unexpected changes with hostility or anger. Pediatrician Dr. William Sears stresses the importance of developing an appropriate behavior management plan for defiant children since they might have an increased risk of troubles with the law and other serious problems when they grow older.
Stay Positive
Keep positive, but realistic, expectations about your child’s behavior and his potential to improve. Gina Kemp, M.A., Melinda Smith, M.A., Joanna Saisan, MSW, and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., of the website HelpGuide.org state that children can often sense when parents grow discouraged, making them discouraged as well.
Helping your child overcome defiant and openly hostile behavior can take a significant amount of time. Focus on taking baby steps and celebrating any small improvements in your child’s behavior.
Model The Right Behaviors
Teach your child how you want him to react to specific situations by modeling these behaviors yourself. React to your child’s misbehavior by taking charge and stopping the behaviors, but remain calm while doing so. Keeping cool while stressed can help show your child that her defiant, angry and hostile behaviors are manageable—and that she can control them.
Create A Regular Family Schedule
A schedule lets your child know what to expect—and when to expect it. MayoClinic.com suggests including plenty of family meal times, as well as specific activities that one, or both, parents can do with the defiant child. Spending plenty of one-on-one quality time with him can show that you love and cherish him, despite the defiant behaviors.
Carve Out Time For Yourself
Raising a defiant child can wreak havoc on your entire household. Get plenty of sleep and eat consistent, well-balanced meals. Take parenting breaks here and there to give yourself, and your partner, a chance to recharge your batteries. MayoClinic.com cautions not to be too hard on yourself and your parenting—the process of improving defiant behavior is tough for even the most dedicated parents.
Don't Be Afraid To Seek Help
Many parents need help handling defiant and out-of-control behaviors. A therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist can create an effective management plan for your child's defiance. They can also investigate the causes of your child's anger issues and help him learn to effectively manage his defiant feelings.
