Raising a family isn't always easy, but when you are raising a high-needs child, the stakes are even higher. Siblings are usually in close proximity to each other, which means that if one of your children deals with difficult behaviors the rest of the family will be affected as well. Even when your parenting journey meets with rocky terrain, there are still things you can do to ensure that your high-needs child and his siblings can still find ways to enjoy their childhoods together.
Spanking
In the days of old, the adage of spare the rod, spoil the child was an excuse for wielding a heavy hand against a child that misbehaved. Promoting awareness of the negative effects of spanking, social psychologists at the University of Montana cite that siblings of difficult children were often more traumatized by watching their sibling punished harshly than by the misbehavior of their sibling.
Creating Space Within
Many children with behavioral problems are highly sensitive to their environment. Yogic practitioners believe that teaching a child to find her breath can be effective in creating inner calm and raised self awareness. Give your children a space that they can go to when they start to feel off balance and teach them to sit comfortably on a blanket or mat while they close their eyes to turn their focus inward. Instruct your child to count his breath until feelings of sadness or the urge to misbehave passes.
Art Therapy
You don't have to be an art therapist to offer your children a way to express how they feel. Give each child a folder where they can keep drawings, an abundance of paper and some washable markers. Encourage them to draw about how they feel. Parents are often surprised at how prolific their children can be when given enough art supplies, but continue to be supportive and you may discover your children working together in positive ways as they work through their relationships through the healing medium of drawing.
Attention Seeking
Sometimes an easy child that is raised with a more difficult child begins to act out in the hope that more attention will be given to them. This sudden behavioral shift can be shocking and upsetting to overworked parents. If you notice your little angel opting for devilish activities, try rewarding good behavior. One way to do this is with a rock jar. Provide an empty jar for each child in the house and reward positive behavior with a rock. Tailor administration of rewards to each child and catch them being good. When the jar is full of rocks, take your child on a special one-on-one date to give them the attention that they desire.
Keep 'Em Safe
When a challenging child acts out against their sibling, your primary objective is to ensure the safety of the innocent victim. Put a stop to bullying by taking the more aggressive child to her room for a reasonable amount of time. Assure your other child that you will protect him and that you always want him to feel safe coming to you. Though it can be upsetting to grow up with a sibling that treats you badly, the reactions and support of your parents can offer a soothing balm to those wounds.
Mental Illness in Children
The National Alliance of Mental Illness states that 1 in 10 families will have a child that struggles with behavioral issues related to mental illness, such as bi-polar, attention deficit disorder, anxiety, depression or a variety of other symptoms related to mental health issues. Parents may wish to seek support and guidance from those that understand that not all behavioral issues are related to poor parenting so that they can avoid the guilt that comes from trying to change circumstances without success. Siblings may be able to benefit from support groups as well to help normalize the reality of their familial situation.
References
- "Your Baby and Child"; William Sears, M.D.; 2002
- "DSM IV"; American Psychological Association; 2005
