A baby’s psychological development happens in stages. In an ideal sequence, babies bond with their parents and build the skills to explore the world around them. As the parents earn their baby’s trust with continued care, the baby gains the confidence to deal with temporary separation.
Homeostasis
From birth to 3 months of age, the homeostasis period represents a baby’s need to feel safe now that she’s out of the womb. Her feelings and sensory experiences may frighten her and she craves a parent’s soothing influence. According to Charles W. Slaughter, a nutritionist with the Connecticut Department of Public Health, and Alika Hope Bryant, assistant professor of Education at King’s College in Pennsylvania, babies want to be fed, held and comforted; they also want to express their wishes for things like sleep and food. The way a parent responds to the baby’s cues form what are called “implicit memories,” shaping the way the baby feels about human interaction and behavior.
Attachment
Between the ages of 2 and 6 months, a baby develops his deep and loving bond with his parents. When his parents fulfill the baby's needs, he learns to trust them. Slaughter and Bryant believe this trust is imperative for children to learn how to separate peacefully. Trust makes eventual separation easier. Babies who don’t feel that trust may grow up feeling unloved or unlovable.
Differentiation
From 4 to 9 months old, your baby progresses through the differentiation stage. She learns to pay attention to stimuli other than her parents, including toys and lighting. In their book “Infant and Toddler Development,” Kay M. Albrecht and Linda G. Miller state that differentiation is often prompted by a baby’s newfound motor skills. She learns to grasp and move, teaching her there’s more to the world than the familiar face of a mother or father.
Separation
The separation stage lasts until a baby is about 15 months old. Albrecht and Miller describe the baby’s need to practice leaving his parent, all the while keeping Mom or Dad within hearing distance. Babies explore and play, gaining a sense of themselves while away from a parent’s embrace. They need to return to that embrace, however, for continued trust to build. The more trust a child feels, the happier he is to go away and explore on his own.
Individuation
Until a child is approximately 3 years old, she’s in a state of individuation. She realizes she’s her own person, separate from parents or caregivers. Sometimes this knowledge is frightening rather than empowering—this is when children cling to their mothers, longing for the closeness they experienced as babies. In “Handbook of Developmental Psychology,” Harke Bosma and Coby Gerlsma write that this struggle usually eases when the child is 3. From that point on, toddlers can usually accept a degree of autonomy and realize there are good things about being an individual. Slaughter and Bryant point out that individuated children learn to express their anger, use the word “no,” and be more independent without losing touch with the people close to them."
