Anger is a natural emotion. According to HelpGuide.org, "It's perfectly healthy and normal to feel angry when you've been mistreated or wronged." However, it is important that you learn to control your anger. Hurtful words said in the heat of a fight cannot be unsaid. There is also an increased risk of your behavior becoming dangerous when you are out of control. By employing a few useful strategies, you can manage your anger rather than allowing it to manage you.
Counting To 10
It is important that you create some distance between yourself and the person or situation you feel angry with to give yourself a chance to calm down. The Prevent Child Abuse America website suggests counting to 10, or even 20, as an alternative to taking your frustration out on your children. If necessary, count to 100. The point of counting is not to quell your anger entirely, but to give yourself the time you need to get control of your raging emotions. Not until some of your anger has abated should you attempt to interact with your child.
Alternative Self-Talk
According to Athealth.com, your thoughts, or your self-talk, can aggravate your temper or defuse it. Self-talk, then, can be a powerful tool for gaining control over your anger-filled emotions. For example, if you are upset because your wife is running late for a dinner date, you can re-frame your negative feelings by changing your self talk. Exchange "She always does this! She has no consideration at all!" to "This does not have to ruin our evening unless I allow it. We can discuss it later." Repeating soothing statements to yourself can help prevent you from lashing out at her.
Positive Messages
While it is not possible to eliminate all sources of frustration, it is possible to fortify yourself against future outbursts of temper by actively practicing positive self-talk. According to the MayoClinic.com, people who employ the positive self-talk technique have greater optimism and are more skilled at managing stress. The strategy is simple, but requires practice and dedication. Remarks such as "I'm no good at this" will only frustrate and depress you, which can lead to anger. Replace your derogatory remark with a positive message, such as "I will get better at this if I keep trying."
Self-Examination
To control your temper, you need to gain some insight into why you feel so angry. According to HelpGuide.org, it is not unusual for a person to become enraged over a relatively small incident in order to avoid dealing with a larger, more painful issue. If you believe you feel more comfortable with anger than you are with shame, embarrassment or fear, it might be worthwhile to perform some self-examination. Talk through your history of anger and try to identify your anger triggers. It may help in the long-term management of your temper.
