Manners can say a lot about a child’s general upbringing. Polite kids are more fun to be around and will have an easier time making friends and succeeding in school and in the workplace later on. Setting a good example, being consistent and starting young can help make your kids courteous and respectful.
Importance
According to Peggy Post, the author of "Emily Post's The Guide to Good Manners for Kids," it’s important for kids to learn manners to help them get along with others, make friends and strengthen relationships. Manners also help guide kids through public situations, such as airports, malls, parties, church and school. Post also writes that teaching manners emphasizes three invaluable virtues: respect, consideration and honesty.
Words
One of the foundations of manners is using polite words. But this goes beyond “please” and “thank you.” Kids should also use other polite phrases, such as “You’re welcome” and “Excuse me.” Even toddlers can practice these phrases at appropriate times at home. With repetition, they’ll get the idea. Older kids can engage in polite conversation by asking questions like, “Hi, how are you?” or using phrases such as, “It’s nice to meet you,” or “Thank you for having me over.” Post also recommends teaching children to ask “Can I…?” or “May I…?” instead of demanding things or grabbing without permission.
Table Manners
Expecting and practicing polite behavior at the dinner table at home can produce good results when your kids are at restaurants or eating at a friend’s house. Ann Svensen from Family Education recommends praising children when they do something polite, such as using their napkin or serving themselves. The best ways to teach good table manners are to set a good example and eat together around the table at home each night. Even young kids should stay at the table until they are excused, use utensils properly and refrain from transgressions like talking with their mouth full.
Manners for Toddlers
According to Jeanne Sager from parenting website Babble, modeling is a surefire way to teach manners to even the youngest kids. Using polite words can show babies and toddlers how to be genteel even before they learn to speak themselves. Babies and toddlers are always learning by watching what goes on around them, so exposing them to well-mannered activities will help them learn to replicate these behaviors later on. Other toddler-appropriate etiquette lessons include teaching to share; encouraging them to say “please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me”; having them clean up after themselves; and making them wait their turn.
Elementary-Age Etiquette
Sager writes that preschool and elementary-age children should practice politely interacting with others, especially before they begin kindergarten. Kids between 4 and 9 can exercise polite greetings, such as how to introduce themselves, shake hands, make eye contact and smile when they meet someone. Showing gratitude is another important manner for kids. As soon as they can write their name, children can sign their own thank you notes, but by 6 or 7, they should be able to write them all by themselves.
Manners for Teens
Today’s tweens and teens communicate more through text message and email, so it’s important to give them guidance about digital manners, as well, according to Sager. Children should be taught the proper way to send an email to an adult or new acquaintance, in the same format as a letter. Teens should know that shorthand and casual banter is only appropriate for friends or family, not for schoolwork or formal communications. Social network etiquette is also imperative, since everything kids post can easily be seen by hundreds of people. Warn kids that they should only post things that they would feel comfortable saying out loud to someone in a face-to-face situation. Set boundaries as to when text messaging is allowed and when it’s not, such as at the dinner table, in the classroom and at the movies or a public performance setting. Sager also recommends sitting down with teens to explain what’s appropriate to share via text and what’s not, such as explicit photos, rumors or derogatory statements that can be forwarded to everyone in school.
References
- "Emily Post's The Guide to Good Manners for Kids;" Peggy Post and Cindy Post Senning; 2004
- Family Education: Table Manners for Kids (and Parents)
- Babble: Manners Can Be Taught
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