Getting help for your abusive husband is a tricky thing to navigate. On one hand, you'd like to see someone you once cared for get the help he needs to be a mentally healthy person. On the other hand, trying to help him could put you and your family in serious danger. Helping your husband to get help for his abuse problems is typically safer for women in controlling, mentally or verbally abuse relationships, according to PsychPage.com, but this doesn't guarantee your safety or indicate that one type of abuse is safer than another. You might think that since he hasn't harmed you yet or hasn't harmed you in a while that you're more safe, but there's no such thing as "just a little bit of abuse." This means that whenever you deal with an abusive husband, you're in potential danger. Make sure you protect your own safety first.
Step 1
Get help for yourself and your children first. If you're in an abusive relationship, work with a domestic violence support person in your community to make a safety plan according to HelpGuide.org. Include where you will go if you need to flee, where you will stay if you leave your husband and who you can turn to for support. Pack a bag with your most important items and have it ready or leave it at your support person's home so you can leave to protect your family at a moment's notice.
Step 2
Ask your community support person for referrals to counseling and anger management programs as well as abuser support groups and drug or alcohol treatment if necessary. Talk about if it's safe for you to stay in your home and try to get him to seek help or if it's in your best interest to leave.
Step 3
Talk to your husband about these treatment programs if you feel safe doing so. If you do not feel safe, use a mediator or go through the court system to encourage your husband to seek treatment. A judge can order treatment as part of a custody hearing or domestic abuse sentencing. A social worker may be able to talk to your husband with or without you present to help protect your safety.
Step 4
Attend a few counseling session if his counselor asks you to and you feel safe, but overall, let him attend counseling by himself. This keeps the focus on his behavior rather than turning the issue into a "couples problem" according to PsychPage.com. Abuse isn't your fault and his treatment isn't your job.
Step 5
Insist your partner continues with counseling, support groups, anger management or whatever other therapy he finds more helpful for the duration of your time together. Abuse isn't something he can just just shake off after a few sessions. He's likely to need several years of intensive therapy to relearn how to deal with his anger, control issues and emotional problems.
Step 6
Seek individual or family counseling for you and your children, too, to help deal with any trauma the abuse has caused or any emotional issues you may be facing as well.
