Ways Of Overcoming Conflict With Individuals

Interpersonal relationships can be severely damaged and even destroyed by conflict. But disagreements have the potential to actually strengthen a relationship and increase intimacy. Ways of overcoming conflict with individuals include learning about personal and relational needs and choosing to focus on caring for the other person instead of emphasizing faults or differences.

Taking Ownership

One of the most effective ways of overcoming conflict with another individual is through taking ownership of your own emotions and actions. Take ownership of your emotions by using descriptive statements instead of accusatory ones. Instead of blaming the other person for how you feel, describe your emotions using “I” statements.

For example, instead of saying, “You made me angry when you criticized my choice,” describe your emotional response, such as, “I felt angry and unseen when you responded the way that you did.” Also, take ownership over your own actions. If you need to apologize and ask for forgiveness for a choice that you have already made, do so as soon as possible.

During future interactions, seek to manage your behaviors and words in ways that communicate your care for the other person. While you do not want to avoid or ignore the conflict, you do not want to contribute to it through hostile words and actions either.

Understanding Needs

Another effective way to overcome conflict in an interpersonal relationship is through learning about and understanding needs. Gary Smalley in “Keys to Loving Relationships” explains, “Conflict arises when any partner feels that their needs are not being met.”

These needs may be more relational ones, such as needs for attention and affection or for love and intimacy, or these needs may be more personal, such as needs for time or space, money or privacy. Regardless of the situation, conflict can often be traced back to legitimate needs that have not been met in effective ways.

Learning how to identify and care for one another’s needs in healthy ways can help to diffuse conflict. For example, your spouse may accuse you of not caring for her because you forgot a special date. Instead of responding defensively, though, seek to understand and care for the need behind it. Your spouse most likely needs to feel valued and loved.

Prioritizing Relationships

Overcoming conflict with individuals also involves making the relationship a priority. Jeanne Segal, Melinda Smith and Jaelline Jaffe in the article “Managing and Resolving Conflict in a Positive Way” explain that “Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than ‘winning’ the argument, should always be your first priority.” By choosing to prioritize the relationship over winning the argument, you communicate to the other person that you care for him. In fact, the more that people feel secure in their interpersonal relationships, the less likely it is that conflict will occur.

You can prioritize your relationship by seeking to understand the situation from the other person’s perspective and by responding with self-control and empathy in the midst of the conflict. Show your commitment through your actions as well as through your words. For example, instead of responding defensively in the midst of an argument, take time to listen to the other person’s concerns, communicate your commitment to her and your relationship and seek to find a resolution that will meet both of your needs as well as strengthen your relationship.