Children with aggressive tendencies may react to frustrating situations with behavior that’s angry, negative, hurtful and destructive, according to the Hoke County Center of the North Carolina State University and A&T State University Cooperative Extension. Teach children strategies that will enable them to increase self-control and develop a calm demeanor to reduce aggressive verbal and physical reactions to undesirable circumstances.
Cool Down
Teach your child to remove himself from situations that usually end with him melting down. The Great Schools website suggests showing him how to recognize anger as it builds and head to his room or a comfortable couch to cool off before discussing the issue any further. Give him self-control tools to calm down in public places where he can’t step away. Closing his eyes and counting to 10, picturing a scene from a favorite movie or breathing slowly and concentrating on each inhale and exhale may help him to diffuse anger without drawing attention to himself.
Resolve Conflict
Providing children with techniques to resolve conflicts will enable them to react rationally rather than impulsively, according to the Hoke County Center in North Carolina. Teach your child how to negotiate with siblings to get what she wants instead of trying to take an object forcibly, for example. Role play to practice additional skills, such as compromising, taking turns or calmly accepting defeat to help your child deal with situations without resorting to physical or verbal aggression.
Respect and Empathize
Help aggressive children understand how their negative, cruel or destructive behavior affects others. The University of Minnesota Extension’s "Making a Difference" website suggests teaching your child how to empathize by discussing how he would feel if he were the victim of another child who is physically or verbally aggressive. Encourage your child to respect others by asserting his needs in a determined, but polite way that won’t make the other party feel threatened, bullied or belittled.
Communicate
Encourage children who typically lash out aggressively to express their desires, needs and feelings with words instead of physical abuse. The University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign’s Clearinghouse on Early Education and Parenting recommends showing your child how calmly telling a classmate to stop cutting in line or clearly asking a sibling to stop eating his food will help her to articulate her feelings more effectively and have a more positive outcome than calling the other child names or resorting to pushing and hitting.
Set a Goal
The Virginia Cooperative Extension of Virginia Tech and Virginia State University notes that working toward a desired reward may help an aggressive child think twice before reacting in an unacceptable manner. Create a chart for your child and inform him that once he fills it in, he’ll receive a coveted possession or privilege. Place a sticker or check mark on the chart each time he manages to use a self-soothing technique or a communication skill to diffuse his anger before he has an outburst.
References
- Hoke County Center: Helping Children Express Themselves
- Clearinghouse on Early Education and Parenting: Dealing with Biting Behaviors in Young Children
- University of Minnesota Extension: Encouraging Respectful Behavior
- Great Schools: Teaching Elementary Schoolers Self-Control
- Virginia Cooperative Extension: Developing Responsibility and Self Management in Young Children
