About 92 million Americans are single, according to 2007 data from the U.S. Census Bureau. If you’re one of them, you’re likely to hit the dating scene at some point—and it can be tough out there. Initially, you and your partner may be on your best behavior as you try to feel out each other. But, after a few dates, you may notice some behaviors that are glaring warning signs about your prospective mate.
Abuser Signs
The leading cause of injury to American women ages 15 to 44 years old is domestic violence, according to the Kansas Coalition Against Sexual and Domestic Violence. Abuse in a relationship is damaging to your body, as well as your emotional and mental well-being. Abusers are generally very good at masking abusive behavior during the dating phase, explains Steven Stosny, a Maryland-based consultant on relationships, abuse and anger, and founder of CompassionPower. Instead of just looking for violent, controlling or angry behavior, keep an eye out for behaviors such as blaming, resentment, entitlement, sarcasm and deceit. Stosny also explains that an air of superiority and moving too fast also are red flags.
Cheater Signs
In an interview with "Jet" magazine, licensed psychologist Myrna Dartson of Dallas says you can spot cheaters more accurately through their interpersonal traits rather than physical traits. Although they may appear to be sociable and charming, they’re really selfish, insensitive and dishonest. She also says cheaters are secretive, inconsistent in their behavior and have a need for self gratification.
Also, trust your gut and those cheating indicators. Some early signs may be that he doesn't give you his home number, he's unavailable on weekends or in the evenings, he doesn't invite you to his home, and he won't introduce you to his friends.
Loser Signs
Losers often leave a trail of depressed ex-partners with damaged self-esteem and eroded confidence, says Joseph M. Carver, a consulting clinical psychologist and contributor to CounsellingResource.com. They also come with some obvious warning signs: rough treatment; blaming; quick temper; verbal or emotional abuse; never being satisfied; cutting you off from your friends; acting paranoid; having no outside interests; being insensitive to your feelings; and fluctuating between being nice and mean.
While only one sign shouldn’t scare you off, three or more of these signs should send off alarm bells, Carver says. He explains that, in the extreme, these behaviors could also mean you’re dating a physical abuser or someone with serious psychological problems such as a stalker. Remember that you’re just in the dating phase. While hormones may be running wild, take a step back and try to be objective about the person you’re dating before you've gotten in too deep.
References
- U.S. Census Bureau: America’s Families and Living Arrangements: 2007 (this is the most recent data-Table A1)
- Kansas Coalition Against Sexual and Domestic Violence: Domestic Violence-Statistics
- UC San Diego News Center: “Love Hormone” Promotes Bonding
- CompassionPower: About Us
- "Jet " magazine: Dating 101: How to Spot a Cheater; July 5, 2004
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