Often, you may not know if what you're saying sends the right message to your little one. Sometimes, your punishment gets a response you weren't expecting from your child, and your technique of discipline may feel useless. However, a slight spin on some of the most common disciplining methods can give you the response you want.
Give Positive Commands
A child generally responds to commands in two ways, write Foster Cline and Jim Fay, in "Parenting with Love and Logic." The child may respond passive-aggressively, where he complies but hurts the parent, or passive-resistively, where he complies, but less than instantaneously.
Avoid this response by wording your commands differently, Cline and Fay write. Instead of saying "Get to work right now," say, "You may join us after doing some work." And instead of saying, "Don't talk to me that way," try, "You may have a story when you talk to me differently."
Give Choices
Children with choices cooperate more, writes Rebecca Rutledge, in "The Playskool Guide to the Toddler Years." Choices limit the possibility of tantrums or frustration by making children feel they have control over the given situation.
Instead of using anger to obtain a child's cooperation, give proactive options. For example, at the grocery store, ask her, "Would you like to ride in the cart or hold my hand?" to get her to hurry along. She will typically choose an option instead of crying, writes Rutledge, and feel she chose the outcome on her own.
Designate a Different Timeout Spot
Be careful with sending your child to his bedroom as punishment, writes Rutledge. If he equates his room with punishment, you may have a hard time getting him to want to go to his room at night. To avoid this problem, designate another place in the house that can be used for timeouts.
Don't Punish Lying
Children lie for multiple reasons, Rutledge writes. A child may want to avoid punishment, or she may remember the event differently from how it happened because of her perceptions. When children lie, we usually get angry, but anger may result in your child lying again to avoid your punishment.
Instead of yelling at her for lying, compliment her on her honesty. Next, tell her you know she did something wrong and provide consequences for the inappropriate behavior, writes Rutledge. Make sure she knows the punishment is for the behavior, not her honesty. If children feel it is OK to tell the truth, they are more likely to be honest.
References
- Parenting With Love and Logic; Foster Cline and Jim Fay; 2006
- The Playskool Guide to the Toddler Years; Rebecca Rutledge; 2007
